Say Hi to the Ugliest Animals on Earth
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but the world’s ugliest animals care not about your beauty standards anyway. For whatever evolutionary reasons, some animals just can’t find a path to Pretty Town.
The Chinese crested, which often wins the annual World’s Ugliest Dog contest, was purposely bred to look like something you snaked out of your drain yesterday. However, cuties such as the blobfish, Jerusalem cricket, naked mole rat, aye-aye, goblin shark, and hammerheaded bat can’t blame humans for their unfortunate looks.
The following animals all fought a losing battle with the ugly stick. Do you think that any of them are so ugly that they are almost cute?
Chinese Crested
The Chinese crested is a small breed of hairless or powderpuff dog that evolved from the African hairless dog. Chinese cresteds used to hunt rats on ships.
As you can see from this People magazine article highlighting past winners, the Chinese crested often takes top honors at the World’s Ugliest Dog Contest. The contest started about 50 years ago to “celebrate imperfections” and encourage animal adoptions — not body-shame canines.
Blobfish
Few humans had seen a picture of a blobfish, Psychrolutes microporos, until a photo of one out of water went viral in 2003. Dubbed the world’s ugliest animal, the blobfish looks like a mound of gelatin with little black eyes, a mouth, and a comically enlarged nose.
In all fairness, the blobfish looks like a relatively normal fish in its natural habitat. Its squishy flesh is an adaptation that allows it to live at crushing depths. When taken out of water at the surface, the decompressed blobfish’s flabby body relaxes and distorts its appearance — and makes it famously ugly.
Naked Mole Rat
There aren’t a lot of reflective surfaces in the underground burrows where naked mole rats dwell, which might explain why the subterranean African rodents aren’t exactly photogenic.
Not only is the naked mole rat the sole mammal with cold-blooded body-temperature regulation, it is also the only true eusocial animal. This means that they live in large colonies in which one female breeds and the other males and females serve as workers. None of them, however, work in the beauty industry.
Elephant Seal
The elephant seal gets its name from the enlarged nose of the male that resembles an elephant’s trunk. The male elephant’s proboscis reaches its full glory between the ages of seven and nine.
Despite looking like they do and breaking the scale at 4,500 pounds, an adult alpha-male elephant seal has exclusive breeding rights to a harem of up to 50 females. He must have a winning personality or make the ladies laugh… a lot.
Jerusalem Cricket
The Jerusalem cricket — otherwise known as a potato bug or my worst nightmare — is a large, slow-moving, flightless insect with an old-man head. Despite their name, Jerusalem crickets are native to the western United States and Mexico.
Jerusalem crickets have powerful mandibles that can slice through plastic and clothing. Although they are not venomous and don’t possess a stinger, these ugly insects emit a foul stench and can deliver a painful bite when they feel threatened. In my head, a Jerusalem cricket would sound like Burgess Meredith if it could talk and its bite would be just as abrasive as its voice.
Camel Spider
The camel spider of the order Solifugae is neither a true spider nor a true scorpion, but it is still 100% nope. These desert-dwelling arachnids grow up to six inches long and can be found on every continent except Antarctica and Australia.
Because they look like facehuggers from the Alien movies, camel spiders have developed a reputation for eating large animals and running as fast as a marathon sprinter. Although they are skilled predators, they eat small animals and are relatively harmless to humans… at least physically. Camel spiders are not venomous, but their bite is as painful as you might have guessed.
Aye-Aye
The aye-aye is a nocturnal lemur native to Madagascar. These hairy-goblin primates with giant yellow eyes have a long middle finger to help pick juicy grubs out of tree bark. Yum!
Despite having a bushy, squirrel-like tail and rodent-like teeth that never stop growing, the aye-aye is a primate that is more closely related to humans. Scary, huh?
Goblin Shark
The goblin shark is a rarely seen deep-ocean fish that is considered a living fossil with a lineage that goes back 125 million years. One might also consider the fanged fish nightmare fuel.
Like the xenomorph in Ridley Scott’s Alien, the aptly named goblin shark has a jaw that extends dramatically out of its mouth and retracts quickly to catch prey. The good news is that these monstrous-looking sharks are rarely seen by humans unless they are accidentally caught in deep-sea fishing nets.
Common Suriname Toad
The common Suriname toad is a fully aquatic toad native to South America. If you have trypophobia — a fear of clusters of holes — stop reading now.
No common Suriname toad is a looker, but the females have a unique way of reproducing that crosses the line into horror. A male fertilizes the female’s eggs and then sticks them to her back, where they develop in honeycomb-like pits until they hatch and wriggle their way out. Can I have a glass of water, please?
Lappet-Faced Vulture
The lappet-faced vulture is a carrion feeder that literally eats death and has a face to match. This aggressive, bald-headed African bird has a powerful beak that can tear through bone and ligaments with ease.
Although primarily scavengers that plunge neck-deep into carcasses, these ugly birds aren’t above tearing into termite mounds or attacking flamingos and their chicks. The color pink must trigger these goth vultures.
Humpback Anglerfish
There are more than 200 different species of deep-sea anglerfish, but they all look like something out of a horror movie.
These alien-looking fish have a rod with a bioluminescent tip that protrudes from the front of their head. The humpback anglerfish wiggles the lure in front of its mouth until a curious fish checks it out and gets gobbled up. The fanged mouth of this species is so gaping that it enables a humpback anglerfish to eat prey larger than its entire body.
Hammer-Headed Bat
The hammer-headed bat is the largest bat in Africa with a wingspan of over three feet. These fruit bats feed on figs, bananas, and mangoes, but their “cuteness” begins and ends with their diet.
The much-larger male hammer-headed bat has a large snout that amplifies its irritating honking sound to let lady bats know that he’s down for mating. It simultaneously lets nearby humans know that it’s time to move.
Alligator Snapping Turtle
The alligator snapping turtle is the largest freshwater turtle in the world… and also one of the ugliest. These almost entirely aquatic turtles live exclusively in the United States and can stay submerged for up to 50 minutes before having to surface for air.
Alligator snapping turtles have a bite force of 1,000 pounds, meaning that they could easily snap through human bone. Although these ancient reptiles don’t actively seek out humans to attack and their feelings aren’t hurt if called ugly, wise people keep their limbs and tender parts away from those bone-crushing jaws.
