55 Joey Diaz Quotes You Can’t Miss

joey diaz talking on a podcast

Are you a fan of Joey Diaz? Well, then you’re in the right place, because we’re about to cover some of the best Joey Diaz quotes of all-time.

Joey Diaz is one of the funniest people on the planet, and has certainly left his mark on the world of comedy. 

Born in Cuba and raised in New Jersey, Diaz is a veteran comedian with a career spanning decades. 

However, it’s not just his stand-up that has earned him a legion of fans. Diaz is also famous for his motivational rants and ability to captivate listeners with amazing stories.

In this article, we’ll dive into some of these most famous quotes from Joey Diaz that will get you fired up tackle the day ahead.

The way that Diaz speaks isn’t for the faint of heart, so prepare to have a fire lit under you after reading through these quotes.

Best Joey Diaz Quotes

  • “I just showed up at the Comedy Store. You keep showing up, and you keep showing up, and eventually, somebody notices.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “Get your life together. It’s halfway through the year and you’re still in the same place you were when the year started.” ~ Joey Diaz
joey diaz quote on green wall
  • “I don’t have to carry my own suitcase. I can make a living as an author.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “You start thinking about all these insecurities. Then I realized, You know what? I’m from f**king New Jersey.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “People don’t get help because they’re scared, but after I did that podcast on addictions last week, I really saw how many emails I got and how many people that I had never met confess to me.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “The only thing that can stop you is you, understand me?” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “You don’t need 20 friends, you just need 3 motherf**kers and you can take over a country.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “You gotta wake up. Think about what your ancestors did, and think about what you’re gonna do with your life.” ~ Joey Diaz
morning sun
  • “I was just coming out of prison, I was married, and I had a kid, and I didn’t know what to do, so I tried stand-up.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “Life is such a great journey. Why would you just live it halfway?” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “What are you scared of? Not getting it? Or getting it and blowing the f**k up and not being able to handle the pressure.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “If you want it to work, you’ve gotta get your hands dirty. What do you think they’re giving out envelopes with success inside?” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “I’m on fire today and so are you. This is the type of attitude that gets you out of the position you’re in on feeling like sh*t about your life.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “Just do what you’re supposed to do every day and you’ll live like a king.” ~ Joey Diaz
statue of a king
  • “Me? I’m f**king 54 years old guys, I got nothing going on. You young people? You’re the future of this country, go do something great.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “It’s you and me against the world today. That’s the bottom line. We’re all trying to do the same thing and leave a mark on the world.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “Time doesn’t wait for anybody. It’s ticking’ whether you want it to or not. That war is still on.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “This week is a whole new week. You’re coming at them with a whole new attitude. It’s a beautiful day to be alive.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “I lived in my car in Hollywood for a year, and then it got towed. My apartment got towed…how does that happen?” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “I was 23 years old and I had f**ked up and now I had to leave my friends. And it was a tough decision, but I had to do it. And at that time, I didn’t know that any of this was even possible. I was just buying time every day.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “Take a chance, Columbus did and look what happened.” ~ Joey Diaz
boats in the harbor
  • “I’ve always been very proud of my Jersey roots. I wouldn’t be here without my Jersey roots. There’s no way.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “I had to get a gun and a knife and pull myself together. It took 27 f**king years, but we’re here now.” ~ Joey Diaz

Joey Diaz Motivational Quotes

Enjoying this list of quotes so far? Then you’ll probably also enjoy these Joe Rogan quotes or this list of Steve Harvey quotes.

If you’d just prefer to keep reading, then here’s some more Joey Diaz quotes to get you fired up.

  • “I think I was always doomed to be involved in some type of comedy because I was an only child, so I learned early on to justify everything in my head with comedy.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “Rome wasn’t built in a day. All of you guys watching this do something for four days and you’re like, “This isn’t working.” Of course it’s not! You’ve gotta get up and do the same f**kin thing every day for years before you make it.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “Whatever happened yesterday, happened yesterday. Get out there and don’t take sh*t from nobody.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “You weren’t put on this planet just to give up.” ~ Joey Diaz
green tree
  • “You’ve been screwing around for the last couple years, and you know you have. It’s time to get down motherf**kers. Get down and dirty and put in the work.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “Fear will ruin your life if you let it.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “This is the mission for the week; be a little better than you were last week. This is your week, today’s the day.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “Enough with dreams. Dreams only get you to the door, you gotta take action and kick that door down every single day.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. You got no time for excuses, the world doesn’t care about your excuses.” ~ Joey Diaz
plant sitting near window
  • “Don’t give up. Don’t let the world get you down. And when it does get you down, get back up and go take you what you want.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “Look in the mirror and tell that mirror everyday, “I’m a bad motherf**ker. and one way or another I’m gonna make it happen today.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “Comedy had made its point; there was no reason to be a criminal when I had little things going with comedy. So comedy, in a way, saved my life.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “If I see an audition for a show or a movie, I’ll send a tape in. I attack it. The whole time, I’m booking comedy, so no matter what, I always got that coming in. I’m always working on my craft.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “Get out a notebook and write down what you’re gonna do this year. No excuses. This is the year, and we’re going in like Marines.” ~ Joey Diaz
notebook sitting on table
  • “If you want to improve in any aspect of something, nothing’s gonna work part time. You gotta put your heart and soul into it.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “I really want people to know that you can do whatever the f*ck you wanna do with your life, no matter what’s happened to you.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “It’s Monday b*tches. Today’s the day. While everyone is slacking off, go out there and let them know what you’re all about.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “I’m a stand-up comic, but I also have ideas, and I want to get them out. People think getting in front of the mic is the only way to work out. You’ve got to try different situations.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “It’s Monday. Today is the day where you gotta make your mark on the world and enforce it.” ~ Joey Diaz
white clouds
  • “You gotta get out there and impose your will on the f**kin world. Drop your excuses. That may not be what you want to hear, but it’s what you need to hear.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “You control your fate. Don’t walk around saying “Life has been bad to me.” Guess what? Life’s been bad to me too. I had to pull myself out of the sh*t, and so can you.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “Every day, it’s you against the f**king world. You follow me? And then, it’s you against you. So you have two wars you’re fighting at one time.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “If you’re going through hard times, you get out there and do it again, and again, and again. Until somebody looks up and says you’re the motherf**kin man.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “I want to write a book on addictions, just to let people know the horrible things I did and the horrible situations I’ve put myself in.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “You got a dream? Live it. If they don’t wanna be apart of your dream, then throw them off the railing.” ~ Joey Diaz
red coffee cup on table
  • “I didn’t want to leave North Bergen, but I knew that I had to in order to grow as a human being.” ~ Joey Diaz
  • “People die millionaires. All your life, you’re gonna stress about money?” ~ Joey Diaz

What is Joey Diaz Famous For?

Joey Diaz is famous for his larger-than-life personality. His approach to comedy is  a walking embodiment of the term “no-holds-barred.” 

With a style that is raw, unfiltered, and downright hilarious, he’s managed to become one of the most recognizable personalities in comedy.

Diaz got his start in comedy in the 1990s, performing stand-up in clubs around New York City. He quickly made a name for himself in the comedy scene and became a frequent guest on popular TV shows.

Since then, Diaz has continued to make people laugh through his stand-up, but also through his unbelievably funny life stories.

Diaz is a gifted storyteller whose life has been filled with wild experiences. And if you watch any of his podcast appearances, it’s these hilarious stories that will leave you dying of laughter.

He’s a regular guest on various podcasts such as The Joe Rogan Experience, and even has his own show called “The Church of What’s Happening Now,” which has gained a large following.

But it’s his stand-up that has made him a fan favorite and cemented his status as one of the funniest comedians of his generation.

windy path in the forest

Final Thoughts

I hope that you enjoyed this collection of Joey Diaz quotes!

Joey Diaz has certainly made his mark on the world of comedy. When you talk about some of the most entertaining people in the world, he’s right up there with the best. 

He has an infinite amount of funny stories from his life, and he tells them in a way that even gets world famous comedians to laugh uncontrollably.

However, Diaz can also be incredibly motivational at times, which is displayed frequently in this collection of quotes. 

His message is direct and cuts right through the bullsh*t. So if you find yourself wrestling with procrastination and excuses today, come back to some of these quotes.

I have a feeling that Joey Diaz telling you to “Rise and grind motherf**ker,” will get you moving in the right direction.

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