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How To Be A Better Man: 10 Tips For Becoming The Best You

There’s a bunch of articles on this site that discuss various spects of self-improvement, such as how to break bad habits, how to improve your mindset, and even how to organize your life and improve your productivity.

However when it comes to being a man, there are certain habits and routines that deserve more of our attention. 

That’s what this article is going to focus on — simple daily habits you can engage in that will teach how to be a better man.

As you go through this list, pick one or two areas of focus that resonate with you. We all have specific areas of our lives that need work, just don’t make the classic mistake of thinking that you can fix them all at once.

Succeeding at anything requires narrowing your focus. So pick 1-2 of these habits and make them your north star for the next 12 months — you’ll be amazed at how different your life looks after months of repeated daily action.

 

How To Be A Better Man: The Top 3 Habits You Need In Your Life

Without further ado, let’s focus on how to be a better man by implementing some simple habits into your daily routine.

The first section of this article will focus on three habits that, in my personal opinion, will have the greatest impact on your life as a man. 

Habits are the fundamental building blocks of who you are. You’re never going to become a better man if you don’t change something that you do every day.

However, building new habits can be difficult. Most of us who try to implement new behaviors into our lives give up before it’s possible for positive changes to take hold.

That’s each habit will come with a simple framework for how to be consistent and actually making these habits stick.

The framework will be as follows:

  • Each habit will have three different levels of difficulty – easy, medium, and hard.
  • The difficulty will correspond to the daily target you’re trying to meet
  • If you decide to pick one of these habits, feel free to create your own versions. There’s no one-size fits all approach.
  • The Golden Rule – At a bare minimum, make sure you at least hit one of the targets each day.
  • Just focus on showing up every day, even in big or small ways. As you build a new identity, you’ll have the capacity to stretch for bigger targets.

Now that we’ve covered the framework, let’s discuss the three most crucial habits that will build the foundation for becoming the man that you want to be.

 

man walking down a path

 

Habit #1: Daily Exercise

Let’s face it guys, you all know that in an ideal world you should be hitting the gym each day. Those six-pack abs you want aren’t just going to magically appear. Chiseled muscles don’t grow themselves, you’ve gotta be the first domino to fall.

Getting in the gym is the only way to make this happen. Most of you wondering how to be a better man should address this habit first because it teaches you incredible self-discipline and resilience.

Every year, there are millions of men who commit to improving their physique. Yet, very few of them actually have the self-discipline to make it a long-term daily ritual.

Why is that? 

Well for starters, it’s fucking hard to show up at the gym each day. Based on my personal experience, it’s one of the hardest habits to try to build. I spent years starting and stopping new workout routines before finally turning it into a regular part of my day.

If you want to fulfill your potential as a man, hardening your mind in the gym is one of the best ways to accomplish that.

It sucks. It’s hard. There’s days where working out is the last thing you feel like doing. It’s much easier to stay where you are then push yourself to where you belong.

Luckily, transforming your body doesn’t have to feel like pulling teeth. Here’s a simple framework for tuning daily exercise into a habit.

The Habit Framework For Daily Exercise:

The key to building any habit is starting really, really small. The type of small where you think to yourself, “Is that really gonna make any difference?”

If you haven’t touched a weight for a year, you can’t expect yourself to magically become a workout machine just because it was one of your New Year’s Resolutions. Initial motivation wears off pretty quickly when the time comes to take action.

Using this philosophy as your guiding post, here’s how to turn daily exercise into a permanent part of your identity.

Remember, all you have to do is focus on hitting one of these targets.

  • Easy – Pack your gym bag and change into your workout clothes
  • Medium – Show up at the gym and perform three sets of two different exercises (should take around 10-15 minutes)
  • Hard – Go through a full strength training circuit with multiple sets and exercises (should take between 45-60 minutes)

 

how to be a better man by getting in the gym

 

Habit #2: Get Comfortable Talking To Women

When you’re out with your friends and there’s an attractive woman who’s been throwing looks your way all night, what do you do?

  • Do you hang back with your friends and pretend you don’t notice her? 
  • Or, do you confidently walk over and introduce yourself?

For almost a decade, I’d choose option one, and here’s what it did to me…

  • I had zero confidence around women: Engaging in avoidance behavior exponentially increased my fear of talking to women. It got to the point where I was even scared of having conversations with girls that I knew. 
  • My overall confidence decreased: My refusal to get out of my comfort zone carried over into other aspects of my life. My experience with women became a microcosm of my life. I lacked the self-confidence to take action and show courage in spite of fear.
  • My dating life was non-existent: Even when girls showed clear signs of interest, I was afraid of being “exposed” as someone who had no idea what they were doing in a relationship. It was easier to sit back and avoid failure than step into growth.

Let’s face it, deep down we all want to be the social, confident guy that has no trouble talking to women.

This is a primal instinct that we’re all born with as men. Attraction is a biological urge that we all possess because we’re intrinsically motivated to pass our genes on the next generation.

That’s why whenever a cute girl walks by our brain goes: “Woah! That seems pretty interesting. We should go meet that girl.”

It’s basically your brain telling you to man the fuck up. Each time you reject this voice and retreat to comfort, you’re rejecting yourself as a man.

Why do so many guys suppress this urge and fail to display five seconds of courage? Well, it’s pretty simple — your ego gets in the way. 

Your ego is your inner sense of self-esteem or self-importance, and the problem with talking to women is that it threatens the ego. Every one of you reading this would like to think that you’re a social guy who doesn’t have trouble talking to women.

This is a belief that your ego latches onto because it makes you feel good — and your ego hates when it’s beliefs are challenged.

When you see a woman you’re attracted to, an internal battle ensues between the ego and your rational mind. 

Your rational mind sees this as an opportunity — “I should go up and talk to that girl. I know I’m feeling pretty nervous about it but facing fear is a normal part of growth. Let’s go!”

On the other hand, your ego wants the opposite. If you have the belief that you’re socially adept at talking to women, your ego wants to avoid any situation that may contradict this belief.

  • What if I’m super awkward?
  • What if the girl isn’t into me?
  • What if there’s an uncomfortable silence?
  • What if she flat out rejects me?

It’s the ego that’s responsible for conjuring up these thoughts. It convinces you that not taking action is a more appropriate response because of everything that could go wrong.

Your ego is trying to protect your self-confidence without knowing that it’s destroying it.

Now that we’ve addressed the problem, let’s talk about the solution. If you feel terrified at the idea of approaching women and it’s a big source of anxiety in your life, just know that you don’t have to stay where you are forever.

Even if you’re a relatively social guy, if you’re not approaching women on a daily basis you’re missing out on huge amounts of growth and self-esteem. 

Realize that wherever you’re at is totally fine — every guy has to start somewhere. 

I started by simply dressing up nice and going outside, and nothing else. I didn’t have to approach anyone, I just had to get in the habit of walking outside. This was the starter step that propelled further growth.

Eventually, I mustered up the confidence to start saying hello and giving out compliments to women. When that didn’t seem so scary, my focus shifted towards having conversations. 

Were most of them filled with timid sentences and awkward silences? Of course! But that didn’t matter to me — all that mattered was facing my fear.

Each terrible approach filled me with extreme confidence. The outcome didn’t matter — it just felt amazing to take control of an area of my life that had riddled me with self-doubt for years.

Don’t be afraid of looking like a pick-up artist or being judged by others. Here’s a newsflash — everyone is too caught up in their own thoughts to give a fuck about you.

Approaching has been a daily ritual from 5-6 pm every day for close to six months now. Am I an absolute lady-killer who can attract the hottest girls on command? Nope.

But my dating life has improved significantly. My social anxiety no longer stops me from taking risks. I’ve learned to take action in spite of fear and doubt.

But most importantly: I’ve never felt more confident in myself as a man. 

For once, I can honestly say that I’m the type of person who can walk up to an attractive girl on the street with little to no anxiety and have an engaging conversation.

If my awkward-ass can do it, any of you reading this can too.

 

talking to women - how to be a better man

 

The Habit Framework For Approaching Women:

Here’s the exact framework that turned approaching women into a normal part of my life. Where you begin on this framework will depend on your current level of social fear when it comes to talking to women.

Here’s where to start if you’re wracked with approach anxiety (like I was):

  • Easy – Get dressed up nice and walk outside. Try to smile/nod at a few girls that walk by.
  • Medium – Give out two compliments to girls that you find attractive. Simply walk up and give a compliment and then leave, nothing more. 
  • Hard – Approach two girls and start up a conversation. A simple opener to use is — “Hey I was just walking towards {street/restaurant} but I thought you looked { cute/interesting/elegant} so I wanted to come over and meet you.”

Here’s where to start if you’re already a fairly social guy:

  • Easy – Give out two compliments to girls that you find attractive. Simply walk up and give a compliment and then leave, nothing more. 
  • Medium – Approach one girl and start up a conversation. 
  • Hard – Approach three girls and start up a conversation

 

Habit #3: Learn To Focus For Extended Periods Of Time

In 1654, scientist and philosopher Blaise Pascal wrote something really profound that I’d like to share with you:

 “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”

Keep in mind that he wrote this in 1654 — before our lives were filled with distractions like social media, televisions, streaming services, and smartphones.

His point still remains true to this day. We absolutely hate being bored, and we’ll do anything to avoid that feeling.

  • It’s why we re-watch shows that we’ve already seen three times. 
  • It’s why we scroll through social media when we’re supposed to be working. 
  • It’s why we walk down the street blasting music through our headphones.
  • It’s why we stay up watching Youtube instead of going to bed
  • It’s why we feel the urge to check our text messages constantly

We’re no different than drug addicts who need their fix. And while our “fix” may not be life threatening, it certainly takes a toll on our ability to achieve sustained concentration.

Here’s the problem with chasing these quick hits of stimulation once your brain has been accustomed to an on-demand distraction, it becomes incredibly difficult to concentrate even when you want to.

If every moment of potential boredom in your life is relieved with a quick glance at your smartphone, or the background noise of Netflix, then your brain has likely been re-wired to the point where it’s not ready for deep, focused work.

To produce at your peak level, you need to learn to work for extended periods of time on a single-task. It’s the only way that you’re going to live up to your potential and achieve your most ambitious goals.

As Cal Newport writes in his productivity classic titled Deep Work, “If you don’t produce, you won’t thrive—no matter how skilled or talented you are.

What’s the key to developing this skill? The same way you develop any other skill — daily practice.

If you want to become a productivity machine and a man of action, you’ve gotta quit talking and start doing. Here’s how to become a better man by mastering the art of focused attention.

 

focus lens picture

 

How To Make Sustained Concentration A Daily Habit

The habit framework for this skill is pretty simple — simply pick something on your to-do list and only concentrate on that thing for a certain period of time.

That means no scrolling through social media, no checking email, and no quick breaks to watch Youtube videos. Your focus needs to remain on one thing and one thing only — the task at hand.

Without a doubt, the biggest hurdle to deep work is your phone. Do yourself a favor and power it off before you start working so you’re not tempted to check it.

  • Easy – Perform deep work on a single-task for 5 minutes
  • Medium – Perform deep work on a single-task for 20 minutes
  • Hard – Perform deep work on a single-task for 60 minutes

With each day you practice sustained focus, your capacity for deep work will expand. And after a few months, you may be able to work without distractions for hours on end.

95% of people aren’t capable of this, so when you get to this level, the world is your oyster.

 

Additional Tips For Becoming A Better Man

The three habits that we’ve just covered are the most important ones for learning how to be a better man. But obviously, there’s much more room for improvement than just mastering those three habits.

Those three habits provide a rocks-solid foundation. The following tips will help you build upon that foundation and become a more well-rounded man. 

Here’s a list of additional behaviors you should prioritize if you want to become the best version of yourself.

 

#1: Improve Your Non-Verbal Communication

Words are powerful, but how you say those words is even more so. It’s not so much what you say that has an impact, but how you say them, and how you look saying them.

To illustrate this, here’s a breakdown of how people perceive your message incorporating the three core aspects of verbal communication — tonality, words, and body language.

The 7-38-55 Rule:

  • 7% of communication is expressed by the words you say
  • 38% of communication is expressed by your tonality
  • 55% of communication is expressed by your body language

That means when you’re talking, only 7% of the message you’re trying to convey is being communicated by the words you’re saying. The other 93% is being communicated by things like the inflection of your voice, your posture, and your overall demeanor.

So what’s the takeaway here? 

Start becoming more conscious of body language and tonality when you’re talking to people. You may have something insightful to say, but if you’re saying it with a timid posture and a meek tone, people are far less likely to pay attention.

The next time you’re ordering food at a restaurant, focus on speaking in a confident tone when the waiter asks you what you want. The next time you’re with friends, work on standing up straight and keeping your shoulders back when you have something to say.

These are the kinds of low-pressure situations that provide the perfect opportunity to practice confident non-verbal communication.

 

barack obama speaking

 

#2: Learn How To Take The Lead

Another way you can learn how to be a better man is by taking the lead more often. Becoming a man that people respect means becoming a leader and not a follower.

Ask yourself the question right now — which one are you?

  • Do you wait for your friends to make plans with you or do you take it upon yourself? 
  • Do you wait for someone else to take the lead on a project at work or do you get out ahead and take control? 
  • Do you speak up when you have something to say or do you hold back?

People respect men and women who leap forward to confront challenging situations. 

Those who sit back and wait for other people to resolve dilemmas are not leaders — they’d rather play it safe and let someone else risk failure.

Look for opportunities in your daily life where you can take the initiative. 

Stuck at home on a Friday night waiting for people to message you about plans? Take the initiative and make the plans yourself.

There’s no such thing as a bad time to step up and lead. It might make you feel uncomfortable, but feeling uncomfortable is the only way you grow.

 

#3: Take Pride In The Way You Dress

One of the quickest ways to boost your self-esteem as a man is to improve the way you dress.

It’s a simple fix that has a tremendous impact on how people perceive you. Imagine that you’re walking down the street:

  • One man walks by you wearing gym shorts and a hoodie, and the way his hair is styled gives you the impression that he just rolled out of bed.
  • Another man walks by you wearing a nice pair of jeans combined with a fit-v neck. His hair is gelled and styled and looks well put-together.

What automatic judgements are you going to make about these two people? 

For better or worse, our subconscious makes snap judgements about other men based on their physical appearance — that’s just the way that our brain works.

Is it wrong to judge someone solely based on the way they dress? Yeah, that’s a pretty fair assessment. But it’s gonna happen whether you like it or not, so you may as well look the part. 

I’m not saying that you need to go out and drop a few thousand dollars on clothes, but you do need to find a style that’s unique to you and build a feasible wardrobe around it.

For example, one of my favorite looks is a dark-colored v-neck with jeans and white shoes. It’s a simple and clean look that will work for almost any guy reading this.

It’s a versatile look that makes me feel good without breaking the bank. I’ll sport this outfit to clubs, bars, coffee shops, and small social gatherings without breaking a sweat. 

Start building a wardrobe that instills self-confidence. Think about the kind of image you want to project, and if possible, spend the extra money to buy high-quality clothes that fit that image.

Here are my two personal favorite online men’s brands that offer high-quality clothes at a reasonable price:

Check out these stores if you have a little more money to spend:

 

mens wardrobe picture - how to be a better man

 

#4: Focus On Your Personal Hygiene

Last but not least, we have personal hygiene. Guys, isn’t there nothing more annoying than the dude with extreme BO who never puts deodorant under his pits?

Yeah, you don’t want to be that guy. Things like putting on deodorant every day, showering regularly, and brushing your teeth is all basic shit that every dude needs to have figured out.

However, there’s a couple other tips that will help you step your game up even further

 

  • Wear Good Cologne – Don’t be the guy who shows up to every social gathering like a walking can of Axe body spray. But do be the guy who buys a nice bottle of cologne and uses it reasonably.


  • Spend Money On A Nice Haircut – If you’re on a shoestring budget, maybe it’s best to ignore this advice. But if you have the means, don’t opt for a cheap haircut. Also, make sure to get your haircut at regular intervals that never change. Whether that’s two weeks, a month, two months, it doesn’t matter. Just pick a deadline and be consistent with it so you’re always looking your best.


  • Style Your Hair – I’m not an expert on styling hair, but the people who cut your hair are! Next time you go in for a haircut, tell the barber the look you’re going for and he/she will likely recommend products that fit this look.


  • Don’t Forget To Floss – An easy tip that most people overlook. Try to floss a couple of times per week at the bare minimum


  • Clear The Jungle – No need to explain this further…you guys know exactly what I’m talking about. 

 

3 Books That Will Teach You How To Be A Better Man

Every behavior that we’ve just covered will undoubtedly help you become a better man as long as you take action.

But what if you want to step things up a little further? This next section will cover a few of my favorite books that will teach you how to be a better man.

 

#1: How To Win Friends And Influence People By Dale Carnegie

 

how to win friends and influence people by dale carnegie

This isn’t even really a book that’s designed specifically for men — it’s basically a manual for how to act in the world regardless of gender.

What I love most about this book is that it’s not about secret hacks. It simply lays out time-tested strategies for changing your own behavior, and in turn changing other people’s behavior towards you.

In this book you’ll find practical lessons about how to be a great leader, improve your relationships, and win people over.

It’s built around fundamental behaviors that we already know how to do, but often overlook in our quest for better relationships and deeper life satisfaction.

Definitely give this book a read if you’re looking to garner more respect as a man and become the best version of yourself.

 

#2: The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck By Mark Manson

 

the subtle art of not giving a f*ck by mark manson

Mark Manson has garnered a reputation as someone who cuts through the bullshit and provides what he likes to call, “Self-improvement advice that doesn’t suck.”

The simple premise of this book is that we give too many fucks.

  • We give a fuck about what people think of us
  • We give a fuck about being rejected
  • We give a fuck about failing and realizing we’re not as good as we think we are
  • We give a fuck abour our shortcomings

And when we give too many fucks, we never feel like we’re in control of our lives. We don’t feel like the captain of the ship — we feel trapped below deck failing to see everything in front of us.

This book is filled with practical insights about how to embrace who you are and make the best out of it. It’s a refreshing slap in the face, backed by academic research, that outlines how to live a more content, grounded life.

 

#3: The Way Of The Superior Man By David Deida

 

the way of the superior man by david deida

Why were you put here on this earth? What do women really want out of a man? How can you become a better lover, husband, and friend?

If you’ve been struggling with some of these questions, then this book will provide the answers. 

Deida explores some of the most common issues in men’s lives and shows you exactly how to tackle them — whether it’s intimacy, family, spirituality, career struggles, etc.

Here’s one of my favorite quotes from the book:

“It’s time to evolve beyond the macho jerk ideal; all spine and no heart. It’s also time to evolve beyond the sensitive and caring wimp ideal; all heart and no spine.”

Deida’s book will teach you how to be a better man by striking the balance between the two and living a more rich, fulfilling life.

 

Final Thoughts On How To Be A Better Man

I hope that some of these tips about how to be a better man resonated with you.

More importantly though, I hope that after reading this you get out there and start taking action to create a better future.

It’s easy to read blog posts and watch motivational videos, it’s much more difficult to address your shortcomings and put in the work required to fix them.

So out of the first three habits that were covered, what’s your biggest demon?

  • Is it the fact that you lack confidence around women?
  • Is it the fact that your body doesn’t look the way you want it to?
  • Is it the fact that you struggle to concentrate and engage in deep work?

Whatever it is, commit to addressing that first and use the framework provided to ensure that you’re able to turn it into a habit.

As you embark on this journey, start applying some of the other tips as well. Upgrade your wardrobe and take care of your personal hygiene. Learn to be a leader and not a follower. Start improving the way you communicate with others.

Commit to becoming a better man every single day and don’t look back.

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