25 Group Dinner Manners No One Remembers
Hosting a dinner party is a rite of passage for adulthood. Nothing will make you feel all grown up like hosting all your family and friends around the dinner table, enjoying delicious food and your company in equal measure. Look at how grown up you are! Job well done.
But as with any dinner party, there are some manners that experts say should always be minded, regardless of how big or small the party is. Following social etiquette rules is not an old-fashioned, outdated, fuddy-duddy concept.
Let’s take a look at the top 25 dinner manners that everyone seems to forget — but they really shouldn’t, whether they’re the host or the guest.
1. Don’t Move the Name Cards
This is true at weddings, and it’s true at dinner parties as well.
Whether you just met everyone, or you know everyone for years, your host worked long and hard at making everything perfect for the evening. Do not disrupt the flow by moving your name cards to somewhere else.
Open seating, however, is a different story — sit wherever you wish.
2. Only Include the Silverware You Need
It may be tempting to include fancy utensils, even if you’re not going to use them. But that’s only going to create clutter on the table, and this can be problematic if space is at a premium.
To avoid a cluttered table, and unnecessary clean-up, only include the utensils you will actually need. If you’re not serving anything that needs a spoon (for example, soup), don’t put spoons on the table.
3. Wash Up Before You Come to the Table
Since the pandemic, people have been more mindful about germ transmission and being considerate of the more immunocompromised amongst us.
However, there are still some people who forget to wash their hands before coming to the dinner table. But this was important to do even before the pandemic — especially if there are concerns about cross-contamination.
4. Wait for Your Host To Sit Before You Start Eating
Nothing is more annoying than watching someone eat before the host sits down and joins the party.
“If people begin eating as soon as they sit down – particularly with a buffet – it is plausible that some will be finished or nearly finished by the time all are seated,” note the experts at Lit & Leisure for their Manners Monday column. “By waiting for the host and/or hostess to be seated and begin eating – as they will be the last to be seated – everyone can begin and presumably end together.
5. Hold Your Utensils Properly
Few things are more annoying than watching someone cut their meat, or fish, while holding a knife and fork like a chainsaw in a slasher movie.
There are two proper ways to hold a fork: continental style (holding your fork in the left hand with the tines downward and the pointer finger at the base of the tines) or American style (holding your fork in the left hand like a pencil, with the tines facing upward).
As far as holding a knife, hold the utensil in your dominant hand (for most people, this is the right hand) with your pointer finger on the hilt to properly guide the cuts.
6. Speaking of Utensils, Remember ‘Outside-In’
Fancier dinner parties can be intimidating, especially when your place setting appears to have a phalanx of utensils available at your disposal.
Avoid getting confused by which utensil to use and remember “outside-in” — that is, use the outermost utensil for the first course, and work your way in with each subsequent course.
7. Don’t Tuck Your Napkin Into Your Shirt Collar
It may seem tempting to tuck your napkin into your shirt collar, especially if you’re having a “messy” food (more on that in a minute), but this practice makes you look childish and immature.
Instead, Miss Manners suggests putting your dinner napkin in your lap “to catch the gravy on the way down.”
8. Pass the Bread (& the Other Food) on the Right-Hand Side
Dinners that are served “family-style” (that is, with all the food at the table with the option to take as much or little as one wishes) can be chaotic.
A simple way to avoid a chaotic up-down-and-sideways mess of plates flying all over the place is to take a platter, or a bread basket, and pass it on your right-hand side in a counter-clockwise fashion.
And if someone passes you something that you don’t want (trust us, nobody wants the peas & carrots)? Keep the plate moving the same way.
9. Make Sure Everyone Has a Serving Before Taking Seconds (& Thirds)
We get it: sometimes, there’s a dish at the dinner party that’s really, really good. And in those cases, it can be tempting to chow down on every last morsel available.
But before you get crazy with the cheesy mashed potatoes, make sure everyone has a serving before taking seconds (and thirds). And if you’re not sure, a simple, “hey, would anyone like anymore?” will ensure you’re not literally taking food out of someone else’s mouth.
10. Hold Heavier Dishes for the Person Next to You
Speaking of second and third helpings, make sure you hold heavier plates for the person next to you when passing the platters around.
Also, it’s good form to warn your new acquaintance if a plate is hot, heavy, or otherwise arduous before passing it around. And make sure the person next to you has the plate safely and fully in hand before letting it go.
11. Keep Your Elbows Close to Your Body (& off the Table)
Elbows on the table is great for intimate, one on one dinner settings. And if you’re by yourself, no one will judge you (except maybe your cat, but the cat judges you regardless).
When you’re at a dinner party, however, keep your elbows close to your body and off the table.
12. Don’t Chew With Your Mouth Open
Western table manners are far different from Eastern table manners. For instance, soup drinkers in the West consider slurping soup rude, while soup drinkers in the East do not.
Assuming that everyone at your dinner table was raised in a Western tradition, it’s very, very bad form to chew with your mouth open.
13. Wait Until You’re Done Chewing Before Taking a Drink
Drink, eat, talk? All at the same time? No, sir/ma’am.
You can only do one thing at a time. If you want to say something to your fellow dinner party guests, wait until you finish chewing or drinking. And if you want a drink, make sure you’re not chewing your food and talking at the same time.
14. Take Part in the Dinner Conversation — But Don’t Dominate It
Dinner parties can be a great way to meet new people and have great conversations with old friends. That’s why it’s important to engage in different conversations with your fellow dinner guests without dominating the conversation.
“Think about topics beyond just the daily you,” suggested Polly Campbell for the Cincinnati Enquirer. “Cultivate stories, think about how to present your opinions, rely on questions that spark conversation. Try to be vivid!”
15. Don’t Reach Across the Table for Something
It’s okay to want an extra serving of something, or a napkin (if the dinner party has paper napkins), or some salt and pepper. It’s not okay to reach across the table and grab it from someone.
Instead, ask someone to pass your requested item to you.
16. Don’t Do Your Makeup, Floss, or Pick Your Teeth at the Table
This shouldn’t need to be said, but there are some people who even go so far as to clip their fingernails at the dinner table. (Why. Just why.)
So, for the benefit of those who were raised by wolves, save your beautification rituals for the bathroom.
17. Don’t Sneeze at the Table, or Into Your Napkin
This hasn’t become as much of an issue since the advent of COVID, but there are still some people who find it appropriate to sneeze at the table or into their napkin.
In short, do not do this. The etiquette experts at the University of Missouri suggest excusing yourself from the table, and going to the bathroom, to sneeze and blow your nose.
18. Definitely Do Not Burp or Pass Gas at the Table, Either
Unless the kids from South Park invite you to dinner, it’s almost certain that nobody will appreciate your vocal salute to heartburn.
And that includes your family, too. Writing for The New York Post, Samantha Ibrahim notes that the vast majority of the 2,000 polled by the Honey Baked Ham company want to see proper manners at the dinner table.
19. Take Extra Care With Messy Foods (Like Tomato Sauce, Lobster, and Butter)
Messy foods are the bane of every dinner party’s existence. Foods like tomato sauce, lobster, and butter squirt everywhere, leaving potential stains all over clothes, tablecloths, and napkins.
If your host chooses to serve these foods, take extra care when eating them so as not to kill the vibe.
20. Pace Yourself With the Rest of the Guests
Eating dinner is not a “race to the finish.” You won’t get a prize if you finish your dinner before everyone else.
In fact, it’s going to look quite awkward if you’re sitting there with an empty plate while the rest of the dinner guests are still working through the pasta course. Pace yourself with the rest of guests, and take the time to savor the food.
21. Always — Always — Offer To Help the Host Clean Up
These days, dinner party hosts hire housekeeping services or butlers-by-the-hour to clean up the dinner rubble.
But if your host is on a budget, or hasn’t hired an on-hand housekeeper, offer to help the host clean up. Some hosts will appreciate the assistance, while others will insist that you relax and enjoy an after-dinner drink without worrying about cleaning up after yourself.
Either way, leave the option in your host’s court, and don’t be presumptuous.
22. Bring a Housewarming Gift or a Shareable Dessert
Nothing says “thanks for the invite!” like a thoughtful, and practical, housewarming gift when you’re invited to a dinner party.
At the very least, experts recommend bringing a shareable dessert — like a cheesecake or a pound of gourmet cookies — as housewarming gift. Etiquette expert Jessica Sloane also recommends affordable gifts like wine, cheese, or vases.
23. Don’t Get Drunk
It’s been said before, but it’s worth saying again: the only time something good has come out of getting drunk is when Keith Richards recorded the riff to “Satisfaction.”
For the rest of us mere mortals, however, it’s imperative to know your limits and abide by them. Don’t be the one who peed in the punchbowl after drinking too much Gold Schlager.
24. Don’t Overstay Your Welcome
As the old folks used to say during last call in the bars: “you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here!”
Every dinner party must come to an end, and the host will certainly drop hints (subtle or otherwise) that it’s time to take your leave. Respect your host’s wishes if you’d like a second invitation.
25. Above All Else, Say Thank You
When you finally take your leave of the dinner party, make sure you thank your host for having you.
As a follow-up, send a thank you card (or, at the very least, a thank you email or text message). If you’re not sure how to begin your thank you note, there are plenty of sites that offer quick and easy suggestions.