Justin Gasparovic

blog post featured image - feeling like you don't belong

6 Reasons Why You’re Feeling Like You Don’t Belong

We all crave a sense of belonging in life.

It’s why we join certain groups, choose certain friends, and pursue certain hobbies — we all want to feel like we have a tribe of people who accept us.

Life gets lonely and depressing when you’re feeling like you don’t belong. In fact, a recent study conducted by the University of Michigan showed that lack of belonging was the single biggest predictor of depression among various psychological factors.

In other words, it doesn’t matter how many friends you have or how often you see them. If you don’t feel a sense of belonging, social support won’t cover up what you’re really feeling.

There’s a variety of reasons why you may be feeling like you don’t belong, so in this article we’ll be taking a look at some of those factors and how you can overcome them.

 

What Does It Mean To Feel Like You Belong?

How do we know that we belong? 

Belonging isn’t something that’s quantifiable by numbers or statistics, it’s just a general gut feeling that we have. 

Belonging is about feeling accepted and valued by the people, groups, and organizations that you associate yourself with. 

Feeling like you belong is akin to feeling like you’re connected to the world around you, and that connection can be a product of many things:

  • You may have a solid group of friends that love and accept you for who you are.
  • You may have a weekly fitness class where you’ve developed good relationships
  • You may feel like you belong when you’re at work because people respect you and you’re regularly engaging with co-workers
  • You may feel a strong connection to a volunteer organization that you work for every weekend

But belonging goes deeper than just racking up friends and connections, having a true sense of belonging comes when you feel comfortable being yourself.

If you feel that the groups you associate with allow you to be your authentic self, then that’s a good sign that you’re in the right place.

It’s these kinds of connections that make life more enjoyable. They produce better relationships, a greater sense of well-being, and longer, healthier lives. 

 

picture of a man who feels like he belongs

 

What Does It Mean To Feel Like You Don’t Belong?

Generally, when you’re feeling like you don’t belong it means that you don’t have a strong social support system.

Your social circle is likely limited to a select few people. It probably feels difficult for you to form deep personal connections with people outside this circle.

As mentioned earlier though, belonging isn’t just about checking the boxes. If you have quite a few friends, but don’t feel like any of them understand you, then that’s just as damaging as not having very many in the first place.

You may also be going through an identity crisis because the groups and communities you’re part of don’t really align with your values.

Generally, here’s what your internal dialogue will sound like if you’re feeling like you don’t belong:

  • Why don’t people understand me?
  • I wish I had more rich and fulfilling social life
  • I wish more people knew the real me
  • I’m not sure if I’m spending time in the right places or with the right people

All of these feelings point to a lack of acceptance and connection, which is the crux of what it means to lack belonging.

 

6 Reasons Why You’re Feeling Like You Don’t Belong

Now that we’ve highlighted what it means to belong and what it means to lack belonging, let’s get to the heart of the matter and talk about some root causes.

Your outcomes in life are a product of your choices. If you’re feeling like you don’t belong, it’s because you’re making certain choices.

100% accountability is step one to fixing anything. The fact that you don’t feel like you belong right doesn’t mean that this feeling is going to be a permanent one.

If you have the courage to look in the mirror and analyze how you’re contributing to the problem, then you’re capable of finding the solution.

So with that being said, here are some common reasons why you’re feeling like you don’t belong, along with some actionable tips for addressing these causes.

 

#1: Your Friends Don’t Share Your Values

If you feel a lack of belonging even though you’re fairly connected socially, it’s possible that you may need to find some new friends.

The reason why spending time with people who aren’t really your tribe is so detrimental is because you naturally adopt some of their traits and values.

We have a deep-seated desire to feel accepted that stretches back as far as thousands of years ago —  our need for approval is a hard-wired survival instinct.

Unconsciously, our worldview and values are molded by the people we spend time with because our brain believes it’s the best chance we have at survival.

If your friends want to go out and drink all the time and you tag along even though you’d much rather be doing something productive, start forming bonds with people who’d prefer that too.

If you’re wildly ambitious but everyone else in your friend group seems content with being average, then you need to find some people that are two steps ahead of you and spend more time with them.

Sometimes all you need to do is switch up who you’re spending time with in order to achieve the sense of belonging that you’re looking for.

 

lion and a girl

 

#2: You’re Stuck Inside

If you’re feeling like you don’t belong, ask yourself this question —How much time have I spent away from my home in the past week?

Personally, this used to be my biggest crutch. 

Like everybody, I craved acceptance and belonging, but too often my efforts didn’t match my ambition. It was easier to sit in my apartment than make the effort to go outside and explore new opportunities.

It wasn’t that I liked this lifestyle, it’s  just that this lifestyle offered the path of least resistance.

My desire to stay inside and be comfortable was more powerful than my desire to get out of my comfort zone and live a more exciting life.

You’ve gotta shake some things up when you’re feeling like you don’t belong. The sense of belonging you’re looking for is found out in the world, not while you’re sitting on your couch binge-watching Netflix.

Start going outside and exploring what the world has to offer. Start getting out of your comfort zone and exposing yourself to new people, new places, and new situations.

Here’s a few suggestions for everyday opportunities to get out of the house and improve your social connection at the same time:

  • Start taking short walks outside – If your social skills need work, this is a perfect opportunity to practice conversing with strangers.
  • Think about a new hobby that you’ve been meaning to take up and join a group that practices this hobby.
  • Grab a coffee or get lunch with a friend – This is the type of simple, low-stress interaction that improves relationships and gets you comfortable initiating plans.
  • Try group exercise – If you want to get some cardio in or start practicing yoga, find a group of people with the same goal. It’s a great way to expand your social circle and spend time with people who share your passions and interests.

 

trapped inside and feeling like you don't belong

 

#3: Technology Is Fucking You Up

The advancement of technology comes with a price, and that price is that we’re more socially isolated than ever. Even before the COVID-19 pandemic hit, psychologists were concerned about the rising levels of loneliness, particularly in young adults.

Researchers at Making Caring Common, a project led by the Harvard Graduate school of education, recently found that 36% of their 950 survey participants reported feeling lonely “frequently” or “almost all the time or all the time.”

What’s more troubling is that this number jumped to 61% in young adults aged 18-25.  This starts to make more sense when you account for which age group is spending the most time online. 

According to an article from the Pew Research Center, 48% of people between the ages of 18-29 reported being online constantly. The next closest was people between the ages of 30-49 — in this age group, 42% of people reported being online constantly.

The data shows that despite the fact we’re supposed to be more connected than ever before, the percentage of people who feel lonely continues to rise.

And while it’s difficult to pinpoint one exact cause, technology certainly plays a role. We live in a world where it’s easy to exchange in-person connection for virtual connection. We live in a world where our favorite shows and movies are accessible with the click of a button.

Maybe the reason you’re feeling like you don’t belong is because technology is offering you the path of least resistance, and you’re taking it.

Personally, these are some of the bad habits that I’ve been working to remove from my life in order to feel more connected to the outside world.

  • Tip #1: Don’t Look At Your Phone Until Noon Every Day – As a full-time blogger, this is one of the jobs that allows me this freedom. Many of you have jobs that make this impossible, so my best advice is to simply put off looking at your phone for as long as your schedule will allow.

 

  • Tip #2: Stop The Late-Night Binging –  Set yourself a deadline for screen time each night depending on your schedule. Personally, my rule is to shut off all screens one hour before bed. I’ve been finding that I get to sleep earlier and also that my energy levels are significantly higher in the morning.

 

  • Tip #3: The Friday/Saturday Rule – This is a personal rule that I created, so feel free to steal it if it resonates with you. Essentially, the rule gives me one weekend night for technology and the other with friends. I’m allowed to spend Friday night curled up watching Netflix as long as I spend Saturday night out of the house. If I do something with friends on Friday, then I’ve earned a night-in on Saturday writing blog posts, playing video games, or watching movies.

 

desk setup with a bunch of technology

 

#4: You Aren’t Being Real With People

Another potential reason why you may be feeling like you don’t belong is because you aren’t expressing who you really are.

Our true thoughts and emotions often stay hidden under the image we’re trying to maintain. 

We don’t want to rock the boat or upset people. We don’t want to appear vulnerable because we feel like we’ll be exposing ourselves or showing weakness.

If these behaviors compound over time, it means that the people in your life will never know the real you, only the version that you act out to gain approval.

If you want to achieve a sense of belonging, you’ve gotta be the real you no matter how difficult it is.

You’ve gotta have the tough, honest conversations with the people closest to you. You’ve gotta be the one to call people out when they’re doing something that you don’t agree with. You’ve gotta say things you actually believe instead of going along with the majority.

These are tough decisions to make, but you’ve gotta make them. To do anything else is to betray who you really are.

If you have the courage to do that, you’ll find your real tribe. You may push away some people in the short-term, but in the long-term it will feel 10x better to be accepted for the person you really are.

 

#5: Your Social Skills Need Work

This might come as a slap in the face to some of you reading this, but it’s possible the reason that you don’t feel like you belong is because your social skills aren’t giving people a reason to stay in your life.

The bottom line is that it’s easier for people to connect with those who are socially engaging. 

We love talking to people who are funny and make us laugh. We’re more present when we talk to people who have tons of interesting stories and life experiences. We like to be around people who radiate confidence and charisma.

Because deep down, most of us want to be like those people. These traits are rewarded with positive social feedback, which in turn makes it easier for these people to make connections with others.

If this resonates with you, just know that I used to be that guy too — not the outgoing social butterfly, but the person who was socially inept.

Eventually though, that feeling did pass. Through lots of private work on my social skills and confidence, I became a better conversationalist and established more connections in my life.

If you’re feeling like you don’t belong, maybe it’s time to look in the mirror and start that same process. Maybe you need to change before your outcomes change.

If you have a suspicion that your lack of social skills play a big role in your lack of belonging, here are some daily actions that helped me address this problem. 

  • Start by just going outside and walking every day. The more you get outside, the more opportunities you have to meet new people.
  • Start giving out compliments and saying hello. Get comfortable projecting a warm and friendly vibe. Compliment that person on how cute their dog is or the flashy outfit they’re wearing.
  • Start having conversations. Usually, giving out compliments is a perfect segway into a normal conversation where you’re introducing yourself and bantering back and forth. 
  • Get the reps in. As with anything in life, you get better with practice. You’ll find that as you talk to more people, you’ll get better at having engaging conversations, and people will be more drawn to you as a result.

 

group of people socializing and belonging

 

#6: You’re Saying No Too Much

It’s amazing how many opportunities we let pass us by throughout our lives because of one word, the word “no.”

There are times when it’s necessary to say no.

You should say no when a group of people ask you to do something that goes against your values. You should say no if you’re offered a job that you know deep down you’re gonna hate 6-12 months from now.

But too often we use the word no out of fear. If you’re feeling like you don’t belong, then you need to stop refusing opportunities because you’re afraid of the unknown. 

The exposure to new things is crucial to figuring out where you belong. It’s entirely possible that the current beliefs you have about yourself are completely false because you’ve never challenged them.

You may be labeling yourself as an introvert because it’s a convenient story that explains why you don’t have the social life you want.

You may be telling yourself things like, “I’m not really into books” even though the last time you picked one up was in college.

In order to attain a sense of belonging in your life, start the process of reinventing yourself you’ve gotta start challenging your current beliefs by saying yes more often. 

Be open to new experiences and seek them out, because you may start to gain insight that fundamentally changes who you believe yourself to be.

Actionable Tip – Twice per week, say “yes” to one event or activity that you’d usually refuse. 

 

Final Thoughts On Feeling Like You Don’t Belong

We all want to feel like we have a place in the world, and the struggles in life are essential to finding this place.

Feeling like you don’t belong is only temporary. It’s an unpleasant feeling, but it’s one that can be used to inform you of the areas of your life that you need to improve.

Regardless of where you are now, you can create a better future. You can choose to work on your social skills, explore new opportunities, and choose friends whose values align with your own.

If you have the courage to make these choices day after day, you’ll eventually find the sense of belonging that you’re looking for.

blog post featured image - reasons to be happy

23 Compelling Reasons To Be Happy Right Now

Why is it so hard to find reasons to be happy? 

We possess an innate desire to be happy, but our brain often steers us towards patterns of thinking that are in direct conflict with this goal.

Instead of focusing on the progress we’ve made, we’d rather focus on how far we are from our goals. Instead of focusing on small positive moments that take place in everyday life, we’d rather look past them and focus on our problems.

Negative thinking is a natural human survival instinct. And yet, it’s this instinct, the one that keeps us alive, that also sabotages our ability to be grateful for what we have.

In this article, you’ll find a list of 23 reasons to be happy about who you are and the general direction of your life. 

We’re all going to suffer and experience struggles in life we don’t have any control over this.

However, we do have total control of the mindset that we adopt towards the good, bad, and ugly of life. As Wayne Dwyer says, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”

 

The Power Of Positive Thinking

It’s difficult to find reasons to be happy when you possess a negative mindset.

Positive thinking will let you do everything better than negative thinking will. Positive thinking means you’re more likely to take positive action and believe you’re worthy of success.

Negative thinking leads to outcomes that you spend your life trying to avoid. It’s what keeps you stuck and stagnant, failing to break bad habits and enjoy the moments in life that deserve recognition.

It’s also important to note this about positive and negative thinking — either mindset can be true in any given situation.

What matters is which way of thinking you choose to believe. If you get assigned a difficult project at work that you’re unsure if you’re able to handle, your brain is going to conjure up two different stories.

The negative story will revolve around thoughts like:

  • “I can’t do this. I don’t have the skills” 
  • “I’m way out of my depth here, how am I going to be able to complete this project?”
  • “What if I complete this project and it’s not up to my boss’s satisfaction?”

The positive story will revolve around thoughts like:

  • “Okay, this is a difficult project, but I can do this.”
  • “I may be out of my depth, but I can do the best I can.”
  • “This is a project that will expand my comfort zone and teach me valuable lessons.”

Both of these stories have elements of truth to them. You may be way out of your depth, you may lack expertise, and you may even end up doing a poor job.

However, it’s also true that you can put your best foot forward. It’s true that attempting the project will help you improve your skill set.

It all comes down to which story you believe holds more weight. Choosing to believe the negative story does nothing but make you feel inferior. The act of believing in yourself and aligning your thoughts with the positive story gives you a fighting chance at success.

 

positive thinking and reasons to be happy

 

5 Reasons To Find Happiness In Negative Emotions

Let’s kick off this list of reasons to be happy by talking about how to find happiness even when you’re experiencing negative emotions.

Here’s one thing that might surprise you about negative emotions — they actually all have positive intent behind them.

Negative emotions like guilt, fear, and worry tend to be construed as negative because they make us feel bad. It’s difficult to find reasons to be happy when we’re in the middle of these emotions, but the reality is they’re always trying to teach us something.

John Wiley lays this out in his book titled Positive Thinking: Find Happiness And Achieve Your Goals Through The Power Of Positive Thought.

In the book, he explains the true intent behind negative emotions:

“Take, for example, the emotion of guilt. Typically, the thoughts that accompany guilt are ‘I’ve screwed up, I shouldn’t have done that, it’s my fault, I feel bad about what I did.’

How can this way of thinking be positive? Well, the positive intent of guilt is to prompt you to recognize your wrongdoing and then to think about and take action to make up for what you did wrong.

If though, when you feel guilt you simply wallow in your guilt and beat yourself up about what you did wrong, then your thoughts and actions remain negative. Those thoughts and actions or inactions do you no good whatsoever.”

Wiley’s main point is that it’s not the emotions that are negative, it’s our response to the emotions that keeps us stuck in self-sabotage.

Without further ado, here are some powerful reasons to be happy even when you’re experiencing negative emotions:

 

#1: They Will Pass

No matter what emotions you’re feeling, positive or negative, they’re all temporary. Our emotional state is constantly fluctuating between joy and sadness, between excitement and guilt, between fear and determination.

None of them are going to last forever! Remember that next time you’re feeling anxious or stressed. Know that in the next few minutes, the feeling will subside and your brain will fixate on something completely different.

All you have to do is be present and let the storm pass.

 

#2: Emotions Don’t Define You

You can still find reasons to be happy when experiencing negative emotions, especially because your emotions don’t define who you are.

As mentioned in the previous section, emotions are temporary. They’re not here to stay. They fluctuate naturally, second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour.

There’s great power in the realization you are not a product of what you’re feeling, you are a product of what you do.

It’s not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you. (any Dark Knight Trilogy fans out there?)

 

girl on bench feeling negative and unhappy

 

#3: They Provide An Opportunity

Finding reasons to be happy is about seeing opportunities where others see problems. Well guess what, each time you’re feeling negative emotions offers an opportunity to reframe your mindset.

Most people latch onto their negative thoughts, letting them run freely with little to no resistance. They become engulfed in their emotions without offering any sort of pushback, which leads to the creation of false beliefs that are based in fear, worry, and self-loathing.

So the next time you’re sensing some negativity in your internal dialogue, see it as an opportunity to practice reframing your negativity into positivity. 

 

#4: No One Is Immune To Negative Thinking

If you feel like your mind is plagued by negative thoughts, then congrats! That’s a sign you have a completely normal mind.

No one is immune to falling into the negativity trap. One of the biggest reasons why                   negative emotions make us feel unhappy is because we shame ourselves for feeling them.

We tend to ask ourselves, “Why does it seem like I’m the only one feeling this way?”

Why would you beat yourself up for a natural mental process that everyone endures?

Everyone around you is wrestling with the same dilemma and experiencing the same feelings — your struggle is no more noble or heroic than anyone else’s.

My message isn’t that you should be happy that other people are struggling, it’s that if you want negative emotions to stop taking a toll on your happiness, realize that you’re not inferior because you’re feeling them.

 

#5: Negative Thoughts = Information

Another one of the key reasons to be happy when you’re feeling negative thoughts is that they provide so much useful information.

If you keep an open mind and really listen to what your brain is telling you, there’s usually a deeper meaning behind your negative emotions.

They pop up for a reason — to inform you that you need to start making some different choices. So the next time you’re feeling guilty or shameful, don’t just sit there in self-pity.

Use self-reflection questions to analyze why you’re feeling guilty or shameful. If you’re willing to look inward, you can turn negative emotions into building blocks for positive action.

 

man with his back against the wall

 

7 Reasons To Be Happy About Yourself

Many people have trouble finding reasons to be happy when they look at themselves in the mirror. 

We all possess something called negativity bias this essentially means we place more emphasis on negative outcomes than positive ones.

If you lose 5 pounds, it’s likely that your brain will try to focus on the fact that you’re 45 pounds away from your goal instead of celebrating the small win.

If you write the first 10,000 words of a book, your brain will opt to focus on the 100,000 words you’ve yet to write instead of acknowledging the small milestone.

Luckily, with just a little bit of gratitude every day you can fight back against this cognitive bias. Here’s a list of inspiring reasons to be happy about yourself and the type of person you are.

 

#1: You’re Still Standing

Remember all those times you thought your life was over? Remember all of those internal battles that you thought would take out?

Well guess what, you’re still here. You’re on your own two feet ready to take the slings and arrows of your life. 

That’s definitely worth being happy about, because it means that everything you’ve ever wanted is still possible if you put one foot in front of the other.

 

#2: No One Else Is You

There’s 7 billion people on this earth, and not one of them is the exact same as you. All of your positive traits and negative traits are uniquely yours.

You have your own perspective to share with the world, and that is your superpower. 

 

sign displaying reasons to be happy

 

#3: You Can Make Someone Else’s Life Better

One of the biggest reasons to be happy is that you can make others happy. 

Has someone ever done something for you that’s made you feel happy? 

Maybe it was surprising you with concert tickets, or simply providing some words of encouragement. Maybe it was a complete stranger who gave you a compliment or paid for your meal in the drive-thru line.

You have the power to impart this same feeling on others through, which often makes you feel 10x happier than doing something for yourself.

 

#4: You Have Total Control Over Your Happiness

Think about the good things in your life. Maybe you’re in great shape and have a consistent workout habit. Maybe you have a bunch of friends who love and support you. Maybe you’re one of the few people who love going to work every day.

Realize that you are 100% responsible for those outcomes. The positive traits you possess and the blessings you have, big or small, are a result of your own efforts.

The caveat to this is that you’re responsible for the negative outcomes as well. 

The point is that you’re in control — no one else decides your future. Find happiness in the fact that your level of joy and fulfillment lies squarely on your shoulders and can’t be determined by someone else.

 

#5: You’re Reading This

If you’ve landed on this article, it means that you’re committed to taking your life to the next level and taking control of your own happiness.

You’re way ahead of millions of others who’ve already admitted defeat.  The fact that you’re actively searching out reasons to be happy signifies you’re making some effort to change, which is the first step to that change becoming a reality.

Pat yourself on the back for your commitment to becoming the best version of yourself.

 

#6: You Have A Unique Contribution That The World Needs

Every one of you has a positive contribution to make while you’re here. Personally, it feels like I was put here to help people improve their lives, and this blog happens to be the medium for that mission.

That’s the unique contribution that I believe the world needs from me. Now you may not know what your unique contribution is yet, and that’s okay! You’ve got so much more time than you think to figure it out.

  • Maybe it’s making your community a better place through volunteer work
  • Maybe it’s teaching people how to cook
  • Maybe it’s teaching people how to take control of their personal finances

Whatever it is, know that you possess unique abilities that can be leveraged to create a massive impact on your fellow peers.

Your passion is just waiting for your courage to catch up.

 

 

#7: Your Small Wins Are Worth Celebrating

Don’t get caught up in the idea that you need to make massive progress to feel happy. Small wins are still wins, small progress is still progress.

So if you’ve been working towards your goals and you’re only one-third of the way up the mountain, that’s 33% farther than you were before you started.

As long as you keep making forward progress, you will reach your goals eventually. It may not happen next month, or even next year, but you can’t lose if you don’t give up.

And if you haven’t been making forward progress and life feels stagnant? Well, use these feelings of guilt and shame to propel you forward and start taking small steps in the right direction.

The small wins you achieve each day are compelling reasons to be happy about who you are

 

11 More Reasons To Be Happy About Your Life

Perspective is so important when it comes to happiness. If you never take a step back to appreciate the little things, then you’ll never truly realize how lucky you are.

Every day, you can find reasons to be happy from the moment that you wake up. Let’s bring some perspective into the mix to help you find happiness in this very moment.

 

#1: You Woke Up This Morning

On January 26, 2020, Kobe Bryant & his 13 year-old daughter Gianna got on a helicopter because Gianna had a basketball game scheduled.

Only 30 minutes later, the helicopter crash-landed near Los Angeles and they both lost their lives. 

It was a tragedy that had millions of people in a state of shock. It served as a powerful reminder that we never know when we’re going to leave this earth. 

If you woke up today, be happy. It’s yet another opportunity to work towards your goals and create a better future.

 

kobe and gianna

 

#2: You Were Born A Healthy Baby

Every year, millions of babies are born with birth defects that make it impossible for them to live what we would call a ‘normal’ life.

For those of us who weren’t, we got lucky. We could have just as easily ended up coming out of the womb with severe limitations on our potential.

We could have easily been born with heart defects, physical abnormalities, severe nerve diseases, the list goes on and on. Be thankful that limitations weren’t placed on you from the moment you entered this world.

 

#3: You Were Born In A First-World Country

Over 90% of my audience is from a first-world country like the United States, Canada, United Kingdom, Germany, etc.

If you were lucky enough to have been born in an industrialized nation with plenty of opportunity, just know that you were given a massive head start at the game of life.

You have opportunities that other people would kill for. The first-world problems you’re experiencing seem a little less significant when you consider the fact that 1 in 10 people in the world don’t have access to basic water services.

 

#4: Your Parents Are In Good Health

This doesn’t apply to everyone reading this, but if you have two parents at home who are alive and well, isn’t that something that you should appreciate?

Hell, it’s one of the most compelling reasons to be happy that there is. As we just talked about, life is short. 

You and everyone you know will be gone from this earth soon enough, so for now, show gratitude for the fact that two of the most important people in your life are still apart of it.

 

#5: Your Body And Mind Are Nourished

Be happy about the fact you’re able to sufficiently nourish your body and mind. After all, 1 in 10 people globally are malnourished. 

They’re starving each night and have no idea where their next meal is going to come from. Could you imagine if this was you?

Too often we take for granted basic necessities like food and water. The fact that almost all of you reading this don’t have to stress about these things is definitely something to be happy about.

 

#6: Good Books

Books provide an incredible opportunity to learn and grow. We’re allowed to consume the wisdom of someone who has spent a lifetime becoming an expert in their field for pennies on the dollar.

If you’re interested in a certain aspect of personal development, here’s a few articles that will put you on the right path:

 

reasons to be happy - a good book and coffee

 

#7: Great Movies & Shows

How cool is it that we have access to streaming services that allow us to sift through amazing movies & tv shows at the click of a button?

These are the types of feats that would be considered impossible thirty years ago. Remember that next time you’re binge-watching your favorite show for the third time this year.

 

#8: Good Friends

Good friends can provide a spark of joy even during the toughest of times. Spending time with them can act as a protective shield from the slings and arrows of life that inevitably come your way.

Be grateful that you have people you can rely on. Be grateful that there are people who believe you’re an important part of their life. Be grateful that there are people who can make you laugh so hard that your stomach hurts.

Appreciate these little moments because they’re not as insignificant as you think.

 

#9: Good Music

Who doesn’t love a good album from your favorite artist? Be happy that these artists are putting in the time and effort to create beautiful songs that can put you into another dimension.

 

#10: The Ups And Downs Of Life

Our life is filled with ups and downs, and both make life worth living. 

We wouldn’t know happiness without sadness. We wouldn’t know love without heartbreak. We wouldn’t know excitement without disappointment.

It’s hard to find reasons to be happy when life smacks us in the face, but it’s these times that teach us the importance of appreciating positive moments when they come about.

 

girl walking down road of happiness

 

#11: The Nature Of How We Got Here

Do you guys understand how unbelievable it is that we’re all here on this Earth? 

Basically, a bunch of shit collided and formed a planet. This planet happens to be the perfect distance away from a big ball of fire that ensures we’re able to live without burning to death or freezing to death.

On top of that, this planet we’re on is rotating around this big ball of fire at 1,000 miles per hour, yet for some reason we don’t feel a thing.

Isn’t that just ludicrous to think about? It’s practically a miracle that we’re all here, and we should all behave accordingly.

 

Final Thoughts On Finding Reasons To Be Happy

At the end of the day, you get out of life what you’re looking for. If you’re constantly looking for reasons to be sad, angry, and resentful, you’ll find them.

If you’re looking for reasons to be happy, grateful, and excited, you’ll find those too.

Unfortunately, our brain’s been wired to look for option one. However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t fight back against the brain’s natural tendency towards negative thinking.

If you’re willing to consciously look for reasons to be happy every day, you’re well on your way to making gratitude your default state.That doesn’t mean your life will be devoid of pain, suffering, and evil. It just means that these things won’t fuck up the thick skin that you’ve built up as a result of positive thinking.

blog post featured image - books on finding your passion

11 Eye-Opening Books On Finding Your Passion In Life

What are the best books on finding your passion in life? Today, that’s the question we’re going to answer. 

Finding your passion is a phrase that many people find cliche. There’s some level of truth to that— it’s not like the rest of your life falls into place the same moment that you find something that you love.

But there’s also truth to the fact that life does get easier when you feel like you know why you’re here. We all have a unique contribution to make to the world — and this contribution usually comes from doing work that we feel like we were meant to do. 

It’s possible that you’ll just stumble upon what you love to do, but it’s the exception and not the rule. Typically, we’ll all need to do a little-soul searching before we realize what we were meant for.

It doesn’t hurt to have a little guidance in this pursuit. So without further ado, here’s a list of the best books on finding your passion so that you can find more meaning in your life.

 

Top Books On Finding Your Purpose

The words passion and purpose are inextricably linked — typically when you find your passion you find your purpose too, and vice versa.

When talking about purpose, what we’re really talking about is an overarching mission that guides what you do. Passion is more about finding the work that helps you achieve this overarching mission.

This first batch of books will focus on helping you discover your life’s purpose.

 

** Top Pick ** #1: Man’s Search For Meaning By Viktor Frankl

 

mans search for meaning by viktor frankl

In my opinion, this is a book that everyone should read at least once in their lifetime.

In this memior/self-help manual, Frankl details his experience living in a Nazi concentration camp. It’s truly astonishing to read his first-hand account, but what’s even more astonishing is how Frankl was able to turn immense suffering into something positive.

The core of Frankl’s philosophy is that one’s deepest desire is to find meaning —if one can find that meaning, then they can endure anything.

He suggests that there are three ways to find this meaning — through suffering, through love, or through work.

And to survive the horrors of the Nazi concentration camps, he needed all three. 

  • The thought of seeing his wife again gave him hope.
  • The suffering he experienced placed responsibility on his shoulders to end it
  • The work he still wanted to do motivated him to survive

It’s a tremendously powerful exploration of the human experience. Frankl’s inspiring story or survival will make you realize that no matter what you’re going through, you have the power to decide your future.

 

#2: 12 Rules For Life: An Antidote To Chao By Jordan Peterson

 

12 rules for life - books on finding your passion

Jordan Peterson is an incredible writer and storyteller, and it’s pretty much a foregone conclusion that 12 Rules For Life is going to be an enduring classic for decades to come.

There are very few 400 page books that keep me engaged the entire time, and this happens to be one of those books. What makes this one of the best books on finding your purpose is that it’s one of the few that actually paints a realistic picture of the process.

Oftentimes, we’re told that finding your passion coincides with finding happiness. Peterson challenges this assumption by saying our purpose is often found where we least want to look.

Happiness is a fleeting emotion that comes and goes, but meaning is a more permanent sense of well-being. He argues that we should all be chasing the latter, and explains that the pursuit of our life’s purpose isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

It’s about the aha moment where everything falls into place, it’s a much more dangerous pursuit. Peterson also highlights that life is suffering, and we need meaning to offset the suffering. 

We can never live a life that’s devoid of pain and suffering, but we can find a deeper pursuit that makes enduring it worthwhile.

If you want your beliefs about finding purpose to be challenged in ways that they never have been before, this book will do that.

 

#3: The Alchemist By Paulo Coehlo

 

the alchemist book cover

After reading this book during my freshman year in high school, I wasn’t very impressed. It was entertaining, sure, but it wasn’t the life-changing experience work of art that my English teacher hyped it up to be.

However, after re-reading this book a little over a year ago, I realized that my naive 14 year-old just wasn’t ready to interpret the deeper meaning behind Coehlo’s words.

The book follows a young boy named Santiago who sets off on a quest to fulfill his personal legend. What follows is an incredible story about a boy with a dream who faces many challenges as he tries to make it a reality.

Coehlo expertly intertwines deep life lessons within this story about the magical nature of dreams, the extraordinary power of little things, and the importance of following one’s heart. 

As Cohelo says, “You’ll never be able to escape from your heart. So it’s better to listen to what it has to say.”

The Alchemist is a great story that’s filled with practical insights about self-discovery and listening to your inner guide. 

Most of the time, it’s this inner wisdom we all possess that will move us closer to a life filled with purpose.

 

#4: Finding Your North Star: Claiming The Life You Were Meant To Live By Martha Beck

 

books on finding your passion and north star by martha beck

Do you feel like you have an overarching mission that’s guiding your actions? Or does it feel like you’re aimlessly wandering through life?

If you tend to resonate more with the second statement, then this may just be the one that you need to read right now.

Beck argues that throughout most of our lives, we wrestle with two selves:

  • The Social Self – This is the self that has been shaped by external pressure, such as the will of our parents/teachers, and the norms of society. The social self tends to gravitate towards what’s expected of us.
  • The Essential Self – This is the most pure expression of who we really are. Following the path means listening to our internal signals and emotions. The Essential Self is what guides us to a life filled with meaning and purpose.

It’s the practical insights about how to listen to our own mind and body that make this one of the best books on finding your passion.

Beck clearly outlines how to stop suppressing the deep urges you feel to align your actions with your Essential Self and create a life that’s uniquely yours.

 

#5: Mastery By Robert Greene

 

robert greene book - mastery

The next read on this list of the best books on finding your passion comes from Robert Greene. 

You might recognize this name because he’s also the author of an outstanding book titled, The 48 Laws Of Power.

The focus of this particular book is finding purpose through mastery. All of the great people that we admire possess one thing in common — they’ve dedicated their life to the pursuit of mastery.

Whether it’s cooking, writing, business, or investing, we all have that one thing that we feel like we’ve been called to do. We all have this inner force that pushes us towards our life mission.

At some point along the way, as the daily anxieties of life take hold, we tend to lose sight of this mission. Greene’s book will help you rediscover it by making the first move towards mastery — learning who you really are and connecting with that inner force.

As you connect with this inner compass, your life will take on new meaning. Greene explains that as you start accruing wisdom and putting knowledge into practice,  you’ll start walking the long journey towards mastery and meaning.

 

Best Books On Finding Your Passion

Now that we’ve covered some really good reads on finding your life purpose, let’s talk about some of the best books on finding your passion — the work that’s going to set you on fire and make the suffering of life bearable.

Here’s the thing about success — it’s going to be a difficult journey no matter which path you take.

Excelling at anything requires hard work and determination. It requires long hours and a dedication to mastery in whatever field you decide to pursue. 

So if you’re going to make this journey, your best possible course of action is to choose work that excites you. 

If you truly love what you do, you’re going to put in the work even when the motivation isn’t there. You’re going to feel more intrinsically motivated to achieve your goals when the process of achieving them is inherently rewarding.

For example, the reason this blog exists is because I have an intense passion for self-improvement.

Does that mean that every moment of the process is enjoyable? Of course not! Writing and editing long blog posts is boring, tedious work that requires sustained focus. 

Even though the passion is there, I don’t just roll out of bed and get to work with no resistance — but the fact that the topic is so intriguing to me is what makes overcoming this resistance easier.

If I was writing about personal finance, or health and fitness, it’s likely that I’d sit at the computer for hours and do everything but write.

So when it comes to work, things are never gonna be on easy street 24/7. You don’t get a say in whether or not you suffer, but choosing work that you’re naturally passionate about lessens the degree to which you suffer.

Here’s a list of the best books on finding your passion so that you give yourself the best possible chance at reaching greatness in your chosen profession.

 

#6: Flow: The Psychology Of Optimal Experience By Mihaly Csikszentmihayli

 

flow - one of the best books for finding your passion

This is one of my favorites on this list of the best books on finding your passion. Published in 1990, it’s still a wildly relevant work that dives into the concept of effortless work.

According to Csikszentmihayli, “The best moments in our lives occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult or worthwhile.”

Put in fewer words  — we do our best work when we feel there’s meaning in it.

Have you ever found yourself so engaged in your work that the hours seem to fly by? Well, that’s not a coincidence, it’s what happens when we achieve something called the flow state.

When we’re in this state, our struggles in life seem to vanish as we become fully immersed in the task at hand. 

This book teaches you how to recognize, and more importantly, leverage these moments. Because when you do, you’re sitting on the cusp of finding what you were born to do.

 

#7: The Art Of Work: A Proven Path To Discovering What You Were Meant To Do By Jeff Goins

 

the art of work by jeff goins

This classic from Jeff Goins is how-to-manual for finding your passion and building a legacy that’s bigger than yourself.

One point that Jeff makes is that the foundational key to finding what you were called to do starts with self-awareness.

If you don’t really understand yourself, you may never find your passion. Even worse, it may pass you by without you ever recognizing it.

Goins ensures that you never make this mistake by advising that you create a major list of the life events that have happened to you. As you go through the list, you’ll notice moments where you felt fulfilled and accomplished — these are the events that require deeper exploration.

He also reminds you to pay careful attention to your gut feelings. Notice where your gut is trying to lead and see if it takes you to a worthwhile place.

If not, you can always re-adjust and re-focus your efforts. Finding your passion is not an expedient pursuit, but often one that takes years of trying and failing.

However, this book may help you reduce that timeframe by outlining a simple process for figuring out the kind of work that will set you on fire.

 

#8: The Passion Test: The Effortless Path To Discovering Your Life Purpose by Janet & Chris Atwood

 

the passion test by janet and chris atwood

Just by reading the title, it’s no surprise that this is one of the best books on finding your passion.

This book is simple and to the point — it provides a step by step process that you can follow to uncover your passions and build a career around work that you love.

The premise of the book is pretty straightforward. We’re more alive and energized when we get to wake up every day and engage in meaningful work.

Using the Passion Test framework, you’ll be able to make room for great uses of time by subtracting good/average uses of time. `

If you’re looking for a simple, no-nonsense guide to finding out what puts you on fire, reading this book is a highly productive use of your time.

 

#9: The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear And Take Your Life To The Next Level By Gay Hendricks

 

cover of the big leap by gay hendricks

This book from Gay Hendricks is all about figuring out the work that you have the best chance at becoming great at.

In order to leave an impact, you need to play the game where you have the best chance to win. This means choosing work that lies inside of what Hendricks calls your “Zone of Genius.”

Hendricks outlines that there are four categories that your work falls into:

  • Zone Of Incompetence – This is the type of work that you suck at, and that many people do better than you.
  • Zone of Competence – You can get by and hold your own at these tasks, but others are more proficient than you.
  • Zone of Excellence – You’re highly skilled at these tasks, few can hold a candle to you
  • Zone of Genius – You’re literally the best in the world at this type of work

This book is all about helping you find your Zone of Genius. By picking the work that combines what you’re good at with what you’re motivated to do, you’re much more likely to leave a lasting impact on the world.

Hendrick shows you exactly how to pinpoint this type of work and make it the foundation for a successful, fulfilling career.

 

#10: Do The Work By Steven Pressfield

 

do the work - books on finding your passion

No matter what you decide to do with your life, you’re going to bump up against resistance.

Pressfield’s book will give you actionable strategies for how to avoid procrastination and laziness, which is the byproduct of resistance.

What I really like about this book is that it doesn’t focus that much on finding your passion, but more about how to consistently produce high-quality work once you find it.

Finding your passion is only the first battlethe next battle starts when you have to show up every day and put in the work.

That’s why it’s a great book to read in conjunction with some of the other books on this list.

 

#11: The Element: How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything By Ken Robinson

 

book cover - the element by ken robinson

To wrap up this list of the best books on finding your passion, we have this awesome read from Ken Robinson.

Much of the book focuses on The Element the meeting point between natural aptitude and personal passion.

In order to find one’s element, one needs to seek out the right opportunities and approach them with the right attitude. 

He also argues that the current system for determining intelligence is flawed. He suggests that in its current form, school teaches us to be obedient and educated.

But what about creativity? What about what makes you happy? What if what you want to do and what’s expected of you don’t line up? 

This book will help you break free from the norms of society and live a life that’s unique to you.

 

Final Thoughts: Books On Finding Your Passion

What work do you feel truly engaged in? What is the unique contribution that you were put here to make?

These are essential questions that you need to answer if you want to squeeze the most joy and meaning from your life.

Take this list of the best books on finding your passion and start your journey of self-discovery. 

I’m not an expert on end of life emotions, but I’m pretty of this — getting to the end of life without ever chasing your passions is pretty gut-wrenching.

Don’t chance it. Don’t ever find out what that feels like. Find out what puts you on fire and go all-in.

blog post featured image - struggles in life

5 Ways To Overcome Your Struggles In Life

It’s unavoidable that every one of you reading this is going to face some struggles in life. 

Perhaps you’re going through the storm right now — feeling stuck somewhere you don’t belong and looking for a way out.

Here’s the thing about struggle — it can last way longer than you think. If you read some inspirational quotes about life and struggles, you’ll see things like, “Just stay strong! The struggle will end eventually!”

That’s only half-true. Your struggles will end, but that’s assuming you make the decision to take focused action in a positive direction. The ugly truth about life is that no matter how bad things seem, there’s always some stupid thing that can you do make it worse.

The good news is that there’s also always something you can do to make things better. In this article, we’ll discuss some five positive shifts you can make that will help you overcome your current struggles in life.

 

What Is The Importance Of Struggle In Life?

Many people tend to organize their lives around avoiding struggle and pain, which is a huge mistake.

It’s completely natural to avoid struggles in life. Your brain’s mindset each day is this — keep you alive while expending as little energy as possible.

Your brain perceives pain and struggle as threats to this goal. Whenever you’re faced with a situation that may involve some form of physical or emotional pain, your survival instinct kicks in and your brain tries to convince you to avoid it.

It does this to protect you without realizing that it’s destroying you. Everything that you want in life tends to lie on the other side of struggle — running from struggle is the same thing as running from the life you deserve.

The start of any new journey is easy. You get motivated to start lifting weights, or running every day, or building a business, and excitement flows through you as you imagine what you can achieve.

The end of a journey is easy too. If you’ve been doing something daily for years, you’re most likely starting to see really positive results even if you haven’t achieved your goal yet.

The middle is what makes everyone quit — it’s precisely where the struggle is. 

It’s where the newness wears off and the daily grind starts to get to you. It’s the point where you’re still seeing minimal progress or change. Despite your efforts, the gap between where you are and where you want to be feels light years away.

It’s during this point where your struggles in life will be the greatest, but here’s something that you need to realize. 

The true reward of achieving any goal is the type of person you become in the process.

Achieving a goal never feels as good as we hope it to be. Even if we reach our most ambitious goals, that feeling of elation is fleeting — it might last for a few days but then we’ll start looking to climb the next frontier.

When you realize this, you realize that the struggle is all there is. The pursuit of a goal is worthwhile not because of the reward that comes from achieving it, but because of the way that your character is molded in the middle of your journey.

Anyone can put in the work when they have that initial spark of motivation to rely on. Anyone can take consistent action when they’re seeing positive results.

But what about when that spark runs out? What about when you’re not seeing any results? How do you respond then?

These are the moments when your character is tested. Anyone can take action when things are going well, it’s when the struggle kicks in that you find out who you really are.

It’s the struggle that forces you to overcome challenges and find inner strength. It’s the struggle that teaches you valuable lessons that help you achieve success.

It’s the struggle that turns you into someone that people admire, respect, and love — don’t run from it, go through it.

 

struggling man pushing a boulder up the hill

 

5 Tips For Overcoming Your Struggles In Life 

Deep down, you already know that you need the struggles in life in order to learn, grow, and evolve in the best version of yourself.

The problem is that it’s hard to embrace struggle in-the-moment. You can’t just shake off negative feelings by saying:

“Oh great! I’m so glad that I’m really stressed out right now and struggling with self-doubt. This is an awesome feeling!”

The following tips aren’t gonna focus on bullshit rah-rah advice designed to get your adrenaline going, nor are they going to be based around idealistic advice that paints a rosy picture of suffering.

There’s just no way around itthe middle of your journey is fucking hard no matter how you slice it.

With that being said, there are certain tactics you can use to ensure that you stay consistent and keep walking down the path of self-discipline even when things feel stagnant.

Let’s discuss those five tactics right now, and why they work.

 

#1: Shorten Your Timeframe

When we’re struggling in life, the future can be really overwhelming. When we think about our goals and dreams, we feel a rush of excitement. Our desired future seems so real when it becomes our present focus.

However, what usually happens next is that a dose of reality kicks in. After focusing on the goal, your mind tends to start thinking about everything that it will take to reach that goal — early mornings, countless hours of work, personal sacrifices, etc. 

At the start of our journey, it’s easy to justify these actions because you’re in the honeymoon phase with your goals.

Once you’re in the middle of your journey, you’re well past the honeymoon phase. It’s likely that the work you’ve been putting in isn’t matching where you want to be, and that’s when the struggle sets in.

This is the breaking point of any worthwhile pursuit — it’s the easiest thing in the world to give up. 

The best thing you can do when you find yourself encountering struggles in life is to shorten your timeframe. 

Don’t think about next year, or the next month, or even the next week. Hell, don’t even think about today. It’s entirely possible that the thought of everything you need to do today will only send you spiraling even further.

Maybe you’re so broken and stuck that you can’t even think about the next hour, because even that will fill you with dread.

What about the next 60 seconds? What can you do in the next minute that will create a better future? 

Usually this will be something simple:

  • Opening up a google doc to start the writing process
  • Opening the book that you’ve been meaning to read
  • Dialing the number of a friend you’ve been meaning to call

Whatever comes to mind, it will usually represent a small step in a positive direction towards your self-defined goals. 

It will always be something that you can handle. Earth-shattering? No, but it’s 10x better than stagnation. 

The tiny act of opening a Google doc may turn into typing out 1,000 words. The tiny act of opening the book you’ve been meaning to read may lead to reading 25 pages.

So whenever you feel like the struggle is keeping you stuck, shrink your timeframe to whatever you feel is manageable for you in the present moment.

  • What can you do today to make progress towards your goals?
  • What can you do in the next hour to make progress towards your goals?
  • What can you do in the next 10 minutes to make progress towards your goals?
  • What can you do in the next 60 seconds to make progress towards your goals?

If you run through these questions, eventually you’ll reach a level where you get an answer — and each minute, hour, or day you win brings you closer to escaping the struggle and achieving your goals.

 

using time to overcome struggles in life

 

#2: Imagine The Personal Hell If You Don’t Overcome Your Struggles In Life

It’s said that it’s important to define a clear future and work towards it, and that seems to be good advice.

  • What do you want from your career in five years? 
  • What do you want from your relationships in five years? 
  • How physically and mentally healthy do you want to be?

These are important questions to answer, but they’re only half of the equation. It’s true that with enough hard work, focus, and determination, the future you desire is out there waiting for you.

However, it’s also true that a life filled with guilt and shame awaits you if you fail to break bad habits that keep you where you are.

You think what you’re going through right now is bad? Imagine your procrastination, lack of accountability, and laziness continues for five more years — where do you end up then?

You know exactly where you’d end up — your own personal version of hell. At some level, you already know this, the problem is that you haven’t clearly defined this personal hell.

Clearly defining this personal hell serves as motivation that the struggle you’re going through can become so much worse if you really let yourself go. 

Sit down and write out the compound effect of not changing your daily decisions for another five years

  • Imagine your relationships with your family and friends. 
  • Imagine the weight that you’d carry with you each day
  • Imagine the lack of fulfillment you’d feel
  • Imagine what you’d be thinking about each day
  • Imagine where you’d be in your career, or even if you’d still have one

Once you paint a clear picture of what your life will be like in five years if shit doesn’t change, you’ll want to avoid it at all costs. 

Remind yourself of the details of this personal hell daily. More importantly, realize that with each day you don’t move forward, you’re moving closer to that hell.

 

burning fire

 

#3: Focus On Your Personal Relationships

We’re social creatures, that’s just how we’re wired. Our level of closeness to other people plays a significant role in how happy we are.

When you’re facing struggles in life, deep personal relationships can reduce their impact on your emotional state. 

The research on social connection is clear — quality relationships lead to happier, longer lives. One of the most fascinating studies on happiness tracked the lives of 724 men with the goal of answering this question — what’s the biggest predictor of someone’s overall life satisfaction?

Amazingly, the study has been active since 1938. Through the years, four different directors have studied these participants and analyzed heaps of data about their life. 

What did the thousands of pages of research show to be the #1 predictor of someone’s level of happiness? Well, it wasn’t fame or status. It wasn’t about how many vacation homes someone owned or their net worth.

The #1 predictor of one’s happiness was the quality of their relationships with friends and family. 

Here’s something even more astonishing —  people who had great personal relationships reported a change in their overall happiness levels even on the days when they suffered intense physical pain.

This means that good personal relationships seemed to act as a protective shield against physical and emotional pain.

So what’s the takeaway from all of this? Well, if you’ve been struggling to find meaning in life, maybe you should put less focus on your goals and more into your personal relationships.

Start doing little things like texting one person from your social circle every day, or Facetiming one of your family members. Start taking the initiative to make plans with your friends instead of waiting for them to do it for you.

Go out and meet new people who share similar hobbies and interests. If you’ve been dealing with some social anxiety, start attempting some public comfort zone challenges so you improve your social skills.

The work required to improve your social skills and develop deep personal relationships isn’t sexy — it’s private work that doesn’t get headlines. 

However, it may be the very thing that pulls you out of the rut that you find yourself in.

 

women being together and overcoming struggles in life

 

#4: Address Your Biggest Source Of Pain

Let me ask you a question for those of you who are struggling right now — what’s the biggest reason why?

  • Is it your lack of social connection?
  • Is it your inability to get meaningful work done?
  • Is it your wildly erratic sleep schedule?
  • Is your inability to control your thoughts?
  • Is it your physical appearance?
  • Is it your marriage?
  • Is it your lack of self-confidence? Are you living life in fear?

Now if you’re really struggling with life, you may think it’s all of those things. And if that’s the case, then you’re a fucking warrior for even being here and reading this. 

But for most of us, there’s likely one or two things about our life that we really want to change. There’s probably a few really powerful demons that weigh more heavily on our conscience than others.

Those are the things you want to stand up and face, because they are what’s contributing the most to your struggle.

If you have the courage to face down your biggest demon and work every day to fix it, you’ll notice that a compound effect occurs — other aspects of your life begin moving in a positive direction too.

When you’re trapped under a pile of rocks, the best thing you can do is remove the heaviest rock.

You don’t need me to give you a framework for finding your biggest demon — you probably know exactly what it is.

It’s the character flaw that’s on your mind all the time. It’s what you wake up thinking about and what eats at you when you’re trying to go to sleep.

Identify it and make a plan for fixing it. Commit to one small habit every single day that addresses the biggest source of pain in your life.

Make sure that whatever you commit to, it’s a target that you can realistically hit every single day. You’ll be shocked at how quickly you can fix something about your life when you learn how to be consistent.

 

woman struggling and in pain

 

#5: Find A Mentor

Another great resource that you have at your disposal is other people who have suffered through the same struggles as you and come out on the other side.

For years, the biggest source of pain in my life was social anxiety. I’d tried to address it several times on my own, but things never seemed to change.

One day, I made a decision that changed everything — I hired a mentor who had experience with the same emotions I was dealing with.

  • Fear of being the center of attention
  • Lack of confidence around women
  • Lack of general self-confidence in everyday situations

On our first call, he showed me the roadmap to overcoming these challenges. After putting together a plan of action, we never looked back.

The guidance he offered was invaluable, but here’s the real reason why mentorship helps so much — you’re accountable to another person, not just yourself.

It’s easier to take action when you know that if you skip days, you’re going to answer to someone else. The pain of disappointing myself was heavy enough, but the pain of disappointing someone else added even more fuel to the fire.

After hiring my mentor, I began talking to strangers and actively going out to expand my social circle. I began approaching women on the street and doing embarrassing things in public to help me overcome my social fear.

Being exposed to situations that I had avoided for 5+ years turned me into a more confident person and significantly reduced my social anxiety. Truthfully, I don’t know if these results would have been possible without someone else pushing me on a weekly basis.

What I do know is that I saw more progress in three months with a mentor than I did in five years trying to do it on my own.

Whatever you’re struggling with, there’s someone out there who can speed up the process of overcoming it. 

Find that person and leverage their insight to take you wherever you want to go.

 

kobe bryant mentoring at a basketball game

 

Final Thoughts On Overcoming Struggles In Life

If life has tried its best to knock you down and you’re still standing, then it’s 100% within your power to make things better.

Pain and suffering are an inevitable part of life, and what sucks is that the more we avoid it, the more of it we tend to experience.

It’s okay to be engulfed in struggle. Every successful person has struggled to get to where they are.

The difference between them and everyone else is they realized their struggle would only stop when they started taking action. If you can begin the private, persistent work of addressing the source of your pain, things will get better, that’s a promise.

Your struggle might not end tomorrow, or a month from now, or even six months from now, but if you don’t quit at least it’ll end fucking eventually.

If the next day feels too overwhelming, start with the next hour. If that’s too much for you, take control of the next minute.

Start where you are and do what you can — the only wrong decision is reading this article and doing nothing.

blog post cover image - lack of self-awareness

7 Key Indicators That You Have A Lack Of Self-Awareness

In the self-improvement world, there’s a lot of talk about things like habits, goal-setting, motivation, mindset, etc, and rightfully so.

Despite being one of the most important aspects of personal development, self-awareness is a topic that seems to get lost in the shuffle

Understanding who you are is the solid foundation that makes all of these other pursuits effective, it’s just not as sexy to talk about.

It’s also hard for people to admit that they have a lack of self-awareness. Who wants to admit that they don’t know who they really are? Who wants to admit that they’re chasing the wrong things?

According to a recent study by the Harvard Business Review, many of us settle for the answers that make us feel good, even though they may not be the truth.

The study found that out of a sample of 5,000 people, only 10-15% displayed the characteristics of someone who is self-aware. The most startling finding from this study was this — 95% of people considered themselves to display high levels of self-awareness.

In other words, a whole lot of us aren’t self-aware enough about our level of self-awareness.

Let’s talk about some of the key indicators that you have a lack of self-awareness, and more importantly how to overcome them.

 

What Is Self-Awareness?

As the study mentioned above continued to progress, interesting trends began to emerge. The researchers found that there are two different types of self-awareness — internal self-awareness and external self-awareness

Let’s paint a full picture of self-awareness by discussing the difference between the two. Internal self-awareness more focused on the self, and is characterized by the following:

  • How clearly we see our own values and aspirations
  • Our ability to observe our own thoughts 
  • Our strengths and weaknesses
  • Our impact on others 

According to the study, having high levels of internal self-awareness is correlated with higher job satisfaction, better personal relationships, and greater happiness levels.

Now that we’ve laid out what constitutes internal self-awareness, let’s shift the focus to external self-awareness.

External self-awareness is actually identical except for one small detail it’s about our understanding of how other people view us in each of those same categories.

  • How other people judge our ability to manage our own thoughts
  • How other people judge our strengths and weaknesses
  • How other people are impacted by what we do

People with high levels of external self-awareness are typically more empathetic in their dealings with other people due to their ability to view things from their perspective. They’re also likely to make better leaders it’s hard to be a great leader if you’re blind to the impact you have on your peers.

Internal self-awareness and external self-awareness are two sides of the same coin. The only difference is that one is centered around us and the other is centered around other people.

 

having a lack of self-awareness

 

Why Is Self-Awareness Important?

Both types of self-awareness are important in every aspect of your life. As you go about your day, you have two options. 

Option one is to go through life with a lack of self-awareness. And that’s easy to do — you simply do what you usually do without giving it a moment’s thought. You act out the same habits and fall into the same thinking patterns without ever really questioning why you do what you do. 

This is the cycle that keeps miserable people stuck and stagnant. It’s what holds them back from evolving into the best versions of themselves.

On the other hand, there’s option two. You can go about your day and really pay attention to your internal dialogue. You can constantly engage in self-reflection and question your thoughts, actions, and feelings.

Accepting that you might not understand yourself as well as you think is daunting. But there’s also great humility in it — constantly questioning yourself can offer new insights that reveal the path towards improvement.

It also ensures that you’re aiming at the right goals, which is a highly important detail that can’t be overlooked.

The greatest failure in life is when you reach the top of the mountain and realize that you took the wrong path. Becoming more self-aware will reduce the likelihood that your goals are misguided representations of what you really want.

So many of us are chasing goals that don’t really align with our values.

We push ourselves to get a promotion without ever considering whether our skillset would be better utilized in another job.

We neglect personal relationships and work 14 hour days to get our business off the ground even though we deeply value quality time with friends. 

This sort of imbalance can be incredibly damaging to our happiness and motivation.   

Success and fulfillment are not the same thing, yet we have a bad habit of conflating the two. Self-awareness ensures that the actions you’re taking align with who you want to become, not what you want to achieve, and it’s the becoming that you should care about.

 

7 Signs That You Have A Lack of Self-Awareness

By now, you probably have a pretty good handle on what self-awareness is and how it manifests in your day to day life.

Now let’s talk about seven key indicators that you have a lack of self-awareness and what to do once you notice them.

 

#1: You Feel Burnt Out At Work

Do you dread Mondays and get ecstatic when it’s Friday? If so, then you’ve got a problem on your hands – your career is something you try to escape from, not something that fills you with joy. 

Let me tell you a quick story…

When I was 19, I dropped out of school to start my own marketing agency. 

I knew what I was getting into — determination and hard work were prerequisites to reaching the goals I set out for myself.

The problem? Each morning, it felt impossible to overcome the initial resistance that popped up whenever important work needed to get done. Even when the ball got rolling, my work sessions were filled with unproductive multitasking and numerous instances of compulsively checking my smartphone.

Let’s fast forward to this very moment. I’m currently writing this blog post while sipping on a cup of coffee, and I’ve been writing for the past hour with absolutely zero interruptions.

What’s the only difference between situation #1 and situation #2?  I love everything about personal development.

Building a million dollar marketing agency sounded pretty sexy and exciting until it was time to put in the work required to make it happen. I wasn’t in love with the process, I was in love with what the process could buy me.

This article isn’t about me, but the reason I tell this story is because I’m guessing most of you aren’t in love with your process.

  • Do you dread Mondays and rejoice when it’s Friday?
  • Do you procrastinate on the work you’re assigned frequently?
  • Do you think about leaving your job doing something else constantly?

Your career should align with your natural interests.  The only reason that pivoting to self-improvement seemed like a logical move for me was due to regular self-reflection.

I noticed little things like the fact that I’d practice speeches in the mirror about topics like habits and productivity. I noticed that time seemed to fly by every time I read a self-improvement book.

Even though writing blog posts was challenging work, it wasn’t de-motivating because the subject matter was so intriguing to me.

All of you reading this have work that you find intrinsically motivating. You might even be asking yourself the question right now — can I really turn that into a full-time career?

I still haven’t found the answer yet — but life is too fucking short to leave it unanswered.

 

man writing at work

 

#2: You Set Unrealistic Goals

When you set goals, are you a prisoner of the moment? Do you set huge goals and then vow to do whatever it takes to achieve them?

Well, this is the easiest way to get trapped in the vicious cycle that most people spend their entire lives in:

  • 1) Setting big goals
  • 2) Taking some action towards those goals
  • 3) Getting-demotivated when you’re not making huge progress
  • 4) Throwing in the towel
  • 5) Setting some new goals three months later

If you find yourself stuck in this cycle, it’s safe to say that your lack of self-awareness is sabotaging your ability to achieve your goals.

When it comes to behavior change and goal-setting, it’s sexy to aim high. We don’t want to make our first $1,000, we want to make millions. We don’t want to focus on losing 5 pounds, we want to lose 50.

We want to go from point A to point Z as quickly as possible. We overestimate our ability to change, and underestimate the difficulty of making those changes.

Deploying self-awareness requires flipping the script start underestimating yourself and overestimating the difficulty of change.

If you apply this philosophy, you’ll begin to set realistic goals that you can actually achieve. Taking action will actually motivate you because the desired target you’re aiming at isn’t lightyears away.

  • Turn writing for three hours into writing for three minutes
  • Turn 100 pushups into 10 pushups
  • Turn reading 30 pages into reading two pages

Getting humble is one of the easiest ways to combat a lack of self-awareness. It’s important to realize that the targets you can hit tomorrow aren’t very impressive.

No one’s going to write a news article about you for writing 50 words, or doing three pushups. 

But guess what? It’s a vote for the type of person you want to become — and with each vote you cast, you take one step towards your most ambitious goals.

 

#3: You Always Blame Failure On External Circumstances

Always playing the victim is another key indicator of a lack of self-awareness. 

Blaming your failures on external circumstances has serious consequences. Look at this wayif you blame your failure on someone or something else, what reason do you have to change?

None! You have absolutely no reason to change because in your mind, you did everything you could to get the job, pass the class, win the race, make the team, etc. 

Failing to hold yourself accountable is a refusal to look inward. It’s about choosing to identify with the mental narrative that makes you feel good in the present moment.

The problem with this narrative is that it rarely constitutes the truth. Your brain doesn’t want to believe that your shortcomings are your fault — it’s not in the business of believing anything that makes you feel bad about yourself.

In order to overcome the brain’s tendency to show a lack of self-awareness, try to paint a more objective picture of your failures.

  • Which daily habits are contributing to failure in this area of my life?
  • What is within my control to avoid this kind of feeling/situation in the future?
  • What’s one thing I can do today to get back on the right track?

Ask yourself questions like this with the frame that you’re 100% responsible for what happens to you.  It may not be true, but adopting this mindset will help you become more self-aware of the habits that are responsible for your current level of happiness in life.

 

picture of a whiteboard

 

#4: You Identify With Your Thoughts

Let’s get this out of the way right now — you are not your thoughts.

It’s said that we have over 70,000 thoughts every single day. And guess what, 99% of them are completely useless.

Identifying with all of these thoughts is one of the biggest causes of a lack of self-awareness. If you let your mind run wild all day long without controlling your attention, it’s going to try to beat you into submission.

  • If you’re feeling anxious, it’s because you’re an anxious person.
  • If you’re worried about something happening, it’s because that thing is going to happen
  • If you’re having a negative thoughts, it’s because you’re a negative person

This is the kind of bullshit that we deal with all day long. One kernel of idea pops into our mind which leads to a shitstorm of negativity and doubt that wreaks havoc on our internal dialogue.

Part of becoming more self-aware means recognizing your thoughts for what they are — minor annoyances that take your attention away from the present moment.

Your actions dictate who you are. Your thoughts only matter if you give them power. Start taking control of your thoughts by saying things like:

  • “I’m having the thought that I’m anxious, thanks mind!”
  • “I’m having the thought that X will happen in the future, thanks mind!
  • “I’m having the thought that I’m nervous, thanks mind!”

Simply accept them and move on — your thoughts are instruments that guide you, not clear-cut definitions about who you are.

 

#5: You Get Defensive When Facing Criticism

When you have a lack of self-awareness, you tend to internalize feedback and criticism as personal attacks on your character. The truth is that genuine feedback from other people can be incredibly helpful for understanding yourself better. 

We all possess a cognitive bias called self-serving bias, which states that we tend to take credit for positive outcomes and blame failure on external factors. In other words, we like to see ourselves in the best possible light at all times.

When we get feedback from someone else that challenges our self-image, it can be difficult to see things objectively — getting defensive tends to be the knee-jerk reaction.

Self-serving bias causes us to miss out on golden nuggets about our own character. If you want to increase your self-awareness, let other people help you in that pursuit.

Start seeking out as much peer feedback as possible. Ask people who have your best interests at heart about your strengths and weaknesses — force them to be honest and tell you exactly what they think of you.

You’ll be surprised at the level of transparency people will show you when it’s made clear that you won’t be offended no matter what they say.

 

man being defensive and showing a lack of self-awareness

 

#6: Your Don’t Really Know What You Believe

We tend to believe that each time we say something, it’s because we actually believe it. That’s the self-serving bias at work once again — always latching on to the most convenient version of events. In truth, it’s quite easy for our beliefs to be influenced. 

Our words are influenced by the people around uswe often try to mold our message to fit the norms of a particular group. Our desire to fit in often overrides the urge we have to reveal what we’re actually feeling.

It’s okay to keep quiet and go along with the crowd sometimes in a social situation, but the key is to know when you’re going along with the crowd.

We’re also influenced by our past experiences. Each of you reading this sees things through a certain lens that’s colored by things that have happened to you.

It’s okay to take your own perspective into a certain situation, but the key is to know how your unique perspective is affecting your view of any given situation.

Just make sure that as you go through life, you’re always questioning your beliefs.

If you have a certain belief about a political issue, don’t just listen to news sources that confirm that belief. Expose yourself to new ideas and see if there’s another perspective that you’re dismissing completely.

If you find yourself agreeing with someone, make sure to understand why you’re agreeing with them — are you agreeing to keep the peace or because you’re trying to fit in?

Agreeing to keep the peace is fine because even though you believe something different, you’re not trying to make a scene. 

On the other hand, agreeing to fit in with the crowd is a slippery slope. Do this enough times and you’ll find yourself with beliefs and worldviews that were never yours to begin with.

The self-serving bias requires that we always challenge our beliefs. Some of them will change and some of them won’t, but this filtering process is a crucial part of solidifying your identity.

 

the man walking a path in the clouds

 

#7 You Can’t Explain Why You Do What You Do

A big part of self-awareness is being able to observe your actions as if you were a stranger. 

For example, if you were analyzing the life of a stranger and saw him scrolling through Facebook at work, you’d probably say something like, “Ah, he’s just procrastinating and wants to get a quick dopamine hit by escaping into Youtube for a couple minutes.”

Sounds like a pretty logical explanation to me. But how does the narrative change when we’re the ones doing the mindless Facebook scrolling?

  • “I just need a quick break from work and then I’ll get right back to it.”
  • “I should check in on what my friends are doing.”
  • “Maybe someone sent me a message over Facebook.”

See the self-serving bias at work once again? It’s easy to look at other people and make judgments about the motive behind their actions, but we don’t like holding ourselves to the same standard.

These in-the-moment justifications for the glass of wine we don’t really need to drink, the show we don’t really need to watch, or the app that we don’t really need to check, end up destroying us.

You need to start identifying the motives and triggers that drive your behavior, which will make them easier to change and give you a deeper understanding of why you do what you do.

If you want to do this in a non-judgemental fashion, observe your behavior as if you were a stranger on the outside looking in.

  • Why would someone do this particular behavior?
  • What might he/she be feeling at the time?
  • What would this behavior serve as an escape from? What might he/she be avoiding or suppressing with behavior?

These are the questions that will give you powerful insights as to why you behave the way that you do. 

 

Final Thoughts On Lack of Self-Awareness

Well, that concludes this list of seven common signs of a lack of self-awareness. Did any of them resonate with you?

If so, that’s great! It means that you know exactly what you need to work on going forward. 

Self-awareness is an invaluable skill that impacts so many areas of your life. It’s what helps you…

  • Set realistic goals that you can actually achieve.
  • Understand your own behavior
  • Address the root cause of your failures
  • Choose a job that actually brings you fulfillment.

Whatever you do, after reading this article commit to questioning yourself.  Question your choices. Question your profession. Question your current beliefs. 

The development of the self is an ongoing process. If you’re not changing or evolving, you’re not growing or learning anything new.

Don’t be afraid of the ugly truths that can come out of deep self-reflection. It’s these insights that will help you become more self-aware and shape you into who you’re supposed to be.

blog post featured image - how to be a better man

How To Be A Better Man: 10 Tips For Becoming The Best You

There’s a bunch of articles on this site that discuss various spects of self-improvement, such as how to break bad habits, how to improve your mindset, and even how to organize your life and improve your productivity.

However when it comes to being a man, there are certain habits and routines that deserve more of our attention. 

That’s what this article is going to focus on — simple daily habits you can engage in that will teach how to be a better man.

As you go through this list, pick one or two areas of focus that resonate with you. We all have specific areas of our lives that need work, just don’t make the classic mistake of thinking that you can fix them all at once.

Succeeding at anything requires narrowing your focus. So pick 1-2 of these habits and make them your north star for the next 12 months — you’ll be amazed at how different your life looks after months of repeated daily action.

 

How To Be A Better Man: The Top 3 Habits You Need In Your Life

Without further ado, let’s focus on how to be a better man by implementing some simple habits into your daily routine.

The first section of this article will focus on three habits that, in my personal opinion, will have the greatest impact on your life as a man. 

Habits are the fundamental building blocks of who you are. You’re never going to become a better man if you don’t change something that you do every day.

However, building new habits can be difficult. Most of us who try to implement new behaviors into our lives give up before it’s possible for positive changes to take hold.

That’s each habit will come with a simple framework for how to be consistent and actually making these habits stick.

The framework will be as follows:

  • Each habit will have three different levels of difficulty – easy, medium, and hard.
  • The difficulty will correspond to the daily target you’re trying to meet
  • If you decide to pick one of these habits, feel free to create your own versions. There’s no one-size fits all approach.
  • The Golden Rule – At a bare minimum, make sure you at least hit one of the targets each day.
  • Just focus on showing up every day, even in big or small ways. As you build a new identity, you’ll have the capacity to stretch for bigger targets.

Now that we’ve covered the framework, let’s discuss the three most crucial habits that will build the foundation for becoming the man that you want to be.

 

man walking down a path

 

Habit #1: Daily Exercise

Let’s face it guys, you all know that in an ideal world you should be hitting the gym each day. Those six-pack abs you want aren’t just going to magically appear. Chiseled muscles don’t grow themselves, you’ve gotta be the first domino to fall.

Getting in the gym is the only way to make this happen. Most of you wondering how to be a better man should address this habit first because it teaches you incredible self-discipline and resilience.

Every year, there are millions of men who commit to improving their physique. Yet, very few of them actually have the self-discipline to make it a long-term daily ritual.

Why is that? 

Well for starters, it’s fucking hard to show up at the gym each day. Based on my personal experience, it’s one of the hardest habits to try to build. I spent years starting and stopping new workout routines before finally turning it into a regular part of my day.

If you want to fulfill your potential as a man, hardening your mind in the gym is one of the best ways to accomplish that.

It sucks. It’s hard. There’s days where working out is the last thing you feel like doing. It’s much easier to stay where you are then push yourself to where you belong.

Luckily, transforming your body doesn’t have to feel like pulling teeth. Here’s a simple framework for tuning daily exercise into a habit.

The Habit Framework For Daily Exercise:

The key to building any habit is starting really, really small. The type of small where you think to yourself, “Is that really gonna make any difference?”

If you haven’t touched a weight for a year, you can’t expect yourself to magically become a workout machine just because it was one of your New Year’s Resolutions. Initial motivation wears off pretty quickly when the time comes to take action.

Using this philosophy as your guiding post, here’s how to turn daily exercise into a permanent part of your identity.

Remember, all you have to do is focus on hitting one of these targets.

  • Easy – Pack your gym bag and change into your workout clothes
  • Medium – Show up at the gym and perform three sets of two different exercises (should take around 10-15 minutes)
  • Hard – Go through a full strength training circuit with multiple sets and exercises (should take between 45-60 minutes)

 

how to be a better man by getting in the gym

 

Habit #2: Get Comfortable Talking To Women

When you’re out with your friends and there’s an attractive woman who’s been throwing looks your way all night, what do you do?

  • Do you hang back with your friends and pretend you don’t notice her? 
  • Or, do you confidently walk over and introduce yourself?

For almost a decade, I’d choose option one, and here’s what it did to me…

  • I had zero confidence around women: Engaging in avoidance behavior exponentially increased my fear of talking to women. It got to the point where I was even scared of having conversations with girls that I knew. 
  • My overall confidence decreased: My refusal to get out of my comfort zone carried over into other aspects of my life. My experience with women became a microcosm of my life. I lacked the self-confidence to take action and show courage in spite of fear.
  • My dating life was non-existent: Even when girls showed clear signs of interest, I was afraid of being “exposed” as someone who had no idea what they were doing in a relationship. It was easier to sit back and avoid failure than step into growth.

Let’s face it, deep down we all want to be the social, confident guy that has no trouble talking to women.

This is a primal instinct that we’re all born with as men. Attraction is a biological urge that we all possess because we’re intrinsically motivated to pass our genes on the next generation.

That’s why whenever a cute girl walks by our brain goes: “Woah! That seems pretty interesting. We should go meet that girl.”

It’s basically your brain telling you to man the fuck up. Each time you reject this voice and retreat to comfort, you’re rejecting yourself as a man.

Why do so many guys suppress this urge and fail to display five seconds of courage? Well, it’s pretty simple — your ego gets in the way. 

Your ego is your inner sense of self-esteem or self-importance, and the problem with talking to women is that it threatens the ego. Every one of you reading this would like to think that you’re a social guy who doesn’t have trouble talking to women.

This is a belief that your ego latches onto because it makes you feel good — and your ego hates when it’s beliefs are challenged.

When you see a woman you’re attracted to, an internal battle ensues between the ego and your rational mind. 

Your rational mind sees this as an opportunity — “I should go up and talk to that girl. I know I’m feeling pretty nervous about it but facing fear is a normal part of growth. Let’s go!”

On the other hand, your ego wants the opposite. If you have the belief that you’re socially adept at talking to women, your ego wants to avoid any situation that may contradict this belief.

  • What if I’m super awkward?
  • What if the girl isn’t into me?
  • What if there’s an uncomfortable silence?
  • What if she flat out rejects me?

It’s the ego that’s responsible for conjuring up these thoughts. It convinces you that not taking action is a more appropriate response because of everything that could go wrong.

Your ego is trying to protect your self-confidence without knowing that it’s destroying it.

Now that we’ve addressed the problem, let’s talk about the solution. If you feel terrified at the idea of approaching women and it’s a big source of anxiety in your life, just know that you don’t have to stay where you are forever.

Even if you’re a relatively social guy, if you’re not approaching women on a daily basis you’re missing out on huge amounts of growth and self-esteem. 

Realize that wherever you’re at is totally fine — every guy has to start somewhere. 

I started by simply dressing up nice and going outside, and nothing else. I didn’t have to approach anyone, I just had to get in the habit of walking outside. This was the starter step that propelled further growth.

Eventually, I mustered up the confidence to start saying hello and giving out compliments to women. When that didn’t seem so scary, my focus shifted towards having conversations. 

Were most of them filled with timid sentences and awkward silences? Of course! But that didn’t matter to me — all that mattered was facing my fear.

Each terrible approach filled me with extreme confidence. The outcome didn’t matter — it just felt amazing to take control of an area of my life that had riddled me with self-doubt for years.

Don’t be afraid of looking like a pick-up artist or being judged by others. Here’s a newsflash — everyone is too caught up in their own thoughts to give a fuck about you.

Approaching has been a daily ritual from 5-6 pm every day for close to six months now. Am I an absolute lady-killer who can attract the hottest girls on command? Nope.

But my dating life has improved significantly. My social anxiety no longer stops me from taking risks. I’ve learned to take action in spite of fear and doubt.

But most importantly: I’ve never felt more confident in myself as a man. 

For once, I can honestly say that I’m the type of person who can walk up to an attractive girl on the street with little to no anxiety and have an engaging conversation.

If my awkward-ass can do it, any of you reading this can too.

 

talking to women - how to be a better man

 

The Habit Framework For Approaching Women:

Here’s the exact framework that turned approaching women into a normal part of my life. Where you begin on this framework will depend on your current level of social fear when it comes to talking to women.

Here’s where to start if you’re wracked with approach anxiety (like I was):

  • Easy – Get dressed up nice and walk outside. Try to smile/nod at a few girls that walk by.
  • Medium – Give out two compliments to girls that you find attractive. Simply walk up and give a compliment and then leave, nothing more. 
  • Hard – Approach two girls and start up a conversation. A simple opener to use is — “Hey I was just walking towards {street/restaurant} but I thought you looked { cute/interesting/elegant} so I wanted to come over and meet you.”

Here’s where to start if you’re already a fairly social guy:

  • Easy – Give out two compliments to girls that you find attractive. Simply walk up and give a compliment and then leave, nothing more. 
  • Medium – Approach one girl and start up a conversation. 
  • Hard – Approach three girls and start up a conversation

 

Habit #3: Learn To Focus For Extended Periods Of Time

In 1654, scientist and philosopher Blaise Pascal wrote something really profound that I’d like to share with you:

 “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”

Keep in mind that he wrote this in 1654 — before our lives were filled with distractions like social media, televisions, streaming services, and smartphones.

His point still remains true to this day. We absolutely hate being bored, and we’ll do anything to avoid that feeling.

  • It’s why we re-watch shows that we’ve already seen three times. 
  • It’s why we scroll through social media when we’re supposed to be working. 
  • It’s why we walk down the street blasting music through our headphones.
  • It’s why we stay up watching Youtube instead of going to bed
  • It’s why we feel the urge to check our text messages constantly

We’re no different than drug addicts who need their fix. And while our “fix” may not be life threatening, it certainly takes a toll on our ability to achieve sustained concentration.

Here’s the problem with chasing these quick hits of stimulation once your brain has been accustomed to an on-demand distraction, it becomes incredibly difficult to concentrate even when you want to.

If every moment of potential boredom in your life is relieved with a quick glance at your smartphone, or the background noise of Netflix, then your brain has likely been re-wired to the point where it’s not ready for deep, focused work.

To produce at your peak level, you need to learn to work for extended periods of time on a single-task. It’s the only way that you’re going to live up to your potential and achieve your most ambitious goals.

As Cal Newport writes in his productivity classic titled Deep Work, “If you don’t produce, you won’t thrive—no matter how skilled or talented you are.

What’s the key to developing this skill? The same way you develop any other skill — daily practice.

If you want to become a productivity machine and a man of action, you’ve gotta quit talking and start doing. Here’s how to become a better man by mastering the art of focused attention.

 

focus lens picture

 

How To Make Sustained Concentration A Daily Habit

The habit framework for this skill is pretty simple — simply pick something on your to-do list and only concentrate on that thing for a certain period of time.

That means no scrolling through social media, no checking email, and no quick breaks to watch Youtube videos. Your focus needs to remain on one thing and one thing only — the task at hand.

Without a doubt, the biggest hurdle to deep work is your phone. Do yourself a favor and power it off before you start working so you’re not tempted to check it.

  • Easy – Perform deep work on a single-task for 5 minutes
  • Medium – Perform deep work on a single-task for 20 minutes
  • Hard – Perform deep work on a single-task for 60 minutes

With each day you practice sustained focus, your capacity for deep work will expand. And after a few months, you may be able to work without distractions for hours on end.

95% of people aren’t capable of this, so when you get to this level, the world is your oyster.

 

Additional Tips For Becoming A Better Man

The three habits that we’ve just covered are the most important ones for learning how to be a better man. But obviously, there’s much more room for improvement than just mastering those three habits.

Those three habits provide a rocks-solid foundation. The following tips will help you build upon that foundation and become a more well-rounded man. 

Here’s a list of additional behaviors you should prioritize if you want to become the best version of yourself.

 

#1: Improve Your Non-Verbal Communication

Words are powerful, but how you say those words is even more so. It’s not so much what you say that has an impact, but how you say them, and how you look saying them.

To illustrate this, here’s a breakdown of how people perceive your message incorporating the three core aspects of verbal communication — tonality, words, and body language.

The 7-38-55 Rule:

  • 7% of communication is expressed by the words you say
  • 38% of communication is expressed by your tonality
  • 55% of communication is expressed by your body language

That means when you’re talking, only 7% of the message you’re trying to convey is being communicated by the words you’re saying. The other 93% is being communicated by things like the inflection of your voice, your posture, and your overall demeanor.

So what’s the takeaway here? 

Start becoming more conscious of body language and tonality when you’re talking to people. You may have something insightful to say, but if you’re saying it with a timid posture and a meek tone, people are far less likely to pay attention.

The next time you’re ordering food at a restaurant, focus on speaking in a confident tone when the waiter asks you what you want. The next time you’re with friends, work on standing up straight and keeping your shoulders back when you have something to say.

These are the kinds of low-pressure situations that provide the perfect opportunity to practice confident non-verbal communication.

 

barack obama speaking

 

#2: Learn How To Take The Lead

Another way you can learn how to be a better man is by taking the lead more often. Becoming a man that people respect means becoming a leader and not a follower.

Ask yourself the question right now — which one are you?

  • Do you wait for your friends to make plans with you or do you take it upon yourself? 
  • Do you wait for someone else to take the lead on a project at work or do you get out ahead and take control? 
  • Do you speak up when you have something to say or do you hold back?

People respect men and women who leap forward to confront challenging situations. 

Those who sit back and wait for other people to resolve dilemmas are not leaders — they’d rather play it safe and let someone else risk failure.

Look for opportunities in your daily life where you can take the initiative. 

Stuck at home on a Friday night waiting for people to message you about plans? Take the initiative and make the plans yourself.

There’s no such thing as a bad time to step up and lead. It might make you feel uncomfortable, but feeling uncomfortable is the only way you grow.

 

#3: Take Pride In The Way You Dress

One of the quickest ways to boost your self-esteem as a man is to improve the way you dress.

It’s a simple fix that has a tremendous impact on how people perceive you. Imagine that you’re walking down the street:

  • One man walks by you wearing gym shorts and a hoodie, and the way his hair is styled gives you the impression that he just rolled out of bed.
  • Another man walks by you wearing a nice pair of jeans combined with a fit-v neck. His hair is gelled and styled and looks well put-together.

What automatic judgements are you going to make about these two people? 

For better or worse, our subconscious makes snap judgements about other men based on their physical appearance — that’s just the way that our brain works.

Is it wrong to judge someone solely based on the way they dress? Yeah, that’s a pretty fair assessment. But it’s gonna happen whether you like it or not, so you may as well look the part. 

I’m not saying that you need to go out and drop a few thousand dollars on clothes, but you do need to find a style that’s unique to you and build a feasible wardrobe around it.

For example, one of my favorite looks is a dark-colored v-neck with jeans and white shoes. It’s a simple and clean look that will work for almost any guy reading this.

It’s a versatile look that makes me feel good without breaking the bank. I’ll sport this outfit to clubs, bars, coffee shops, and small social gatherings without breaking a sweat. 

Start building a wardrobe that instills self-confidence. Think about the kind of image you want to project, and if possible, spend the extra money to buy high-quality clothes that fit that image.

Here are my two personal favorite online men’s brands that offer high-quality clothes at a reasonable price:

Check out these stores if you have a little more money to spend:

 

mens wardrobe picture - how to be a better man

 

#4: Focus On Your Personal Hygiene

Last but not least, we have personal hygiene. Guys, isn’t there nothing more annoying than the dude with extreme BO who never puts deodorant under his pits?

Yeah, you don’t want to be that guy. Things like putting on deodorant every day, showering regularly, and brushing your teeth is all basic shit that every dude needs to have figured out.

However, there’s a couple other tips that will help you step your game up even further

 

  • Wear Good Cologne – Don’t be the guy who shows up to every social gathering like a walking can of Axe body spray. But do be the guy who buys a nice bottle of cologne and uses it reasonably.


  • Spend Money On A Nice Haircut – If you’re on a shoestring budget, maybe it’s best to ignore this advice. But if you have the means, don’t opt for a cheap haircut. Also, make sure to get your haircut at regular intervals that never change. Whether that’s two weeks, a month, two months, it doesn’t matter. Just pick a deadline and be consistent with it so you’re always looking your best.


  • Style Your Hair – I’m not an expert on styling hair, but the people who cut your hair are! Next time you go in for a haircut, tell the barber the look you’re going for and he/she will likely recommend products that fit this look.


  • Don’t Forget To Floss – An easy tip that most people overlook. Try to floss a couple of times per week at the bare minimum


  • Clear The Jungle – No need to explain this further…you guys know exactly what I’m talking about. 

 

3 Books That Will Teach You How To Be A Better Man

Every behavior that we’ve just covered will undoubtedly help you become a better man as long as you take action.

But what if you want to step things up a little further? This next section will cover a few of my favorite books that will teach you how to be a better man.

 

#1: How To Win Friends And Influence People By Dale Carnegie

 

how to win friends and influence people by dale carnegie

This isn’t even really a book that’s designed specifically for men — it’s basically a manual for how to act in the world regardless of gender.

What I love most about this book is that it’s not about secret hacks. It simply lays out time-tested strategies for changing your own behavior, and in turn changing other people’s behavior towards you.

In this book you’ll find practical lessons about how to be a great leader, improve your relationships, and win people over.

It’s built around fundamental behaviors that we already know how to do, but often overlook in our quest for better relationships and deeper life satisfaction.

Definitely give this book a read if you’re looking to garner more respect as a man and become the best version of yourself.

 

#2: The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck By Mark Manson

 

the subtle art of not giving a f*ck by mark manson

Mark Manson has garnered a reputation as someone who cuts through the bullshit and provides what he likes to call, “Self-improvement advice that doesn’t suck.”

The simple premise of this book is that we give too many fucks.

  • We give a fuck about what people think of us
  • We give a fuck about being rejected
  • We give a fuck about failing and realizing we’re not as good as we think we are
  • We give a fuck abour our shortcomings

And when we give too many fucks, we never feel like we’re in control of our lives. We don’t feel like the captain of the ship — we feel trapped below deck failing to see everything in front of us.

This book is filled with practical insights about how to embrace who you are and make the best out of it. It’s a refreshing slap in the face, backed by academic research, that outlines how to live a more content, grounded life.

 

#3: The Way Of The Superior Man By David Deida

 

the way of the superior man by david deida

Why were you put here on this earth? What do women really want out of a man? How can you become a better lover, husband, and friend?

If you’ve been struggling with some of these questions, then this book will provide the answers. 

Deida explores some of the most common issues in men’s lives and shows you exactly how to tackle them — whether it’s intimacy, family, spirituality, career struggles, etc.

Here’s one of my favorite quotes from the book:

“It’s time to evolve beyond the macho jerk ideal; all spine and no heart. It’s also time to evolve beyond the sensitive and caring wimp ideal; all heart and no spine.”

Deida’s book will teach you how to be a better man by striking the balance between the two and living a more rich, fulfilling life.

 

Final Thoughts On How To Be A Better Man

I hope that some of these tips about how to be a better man resonated with you.

More importantly though, I hope that after reading this you get out there and start taking action to create a better future.

It’s easy to read blog posts and watch motivational videos, it’s much more difficult to address your shortcomings and put in the work required to fix them.

So out of the first three habits that were covered, what’s your biggest demon?

  • Is it the fact that you lack confidence around women?
  • Is it the fact that your body doesn’t look the way you want it to?
  • Is it the fact that you struggle to concentrate and engage in deep work?

Whatever it is, commit to addressing that first and use the framework provided to ensure that you’re able to turn it into a habit.

As you embark on this journey, start applying some of the other tips as well. Upgrade your wardrobe and take care of your personal hygiene. Learn to be a leader and not a follower. Start improving the way you communicate with others.

Commit to becoming a better man every single day and don’t look back.

blog post featured image - harvey specter quotes

74 Harvey Specter Quotes That Will Inspire You To Play Big

This one is for the fellow Suits lovers and Harvey Specter admirers out there!

Suits is one of my favorite shows to watch (and rewatch), and Harvey Specter, portrayed by Gabriel Macht, is one of the biggest reasons for that.

His character has an aura of invincibility about him. What else would expect from a badass corporate lawyer who seems to always come out on top even when the odds are stacked brutally against him?

Now look, I know it’s a TV show. It’d hardly be good theater to base a business show around someone who gets run over all the time. It’s far more entertaining to get to see him do that same thing to others.

Despite the scripted one-liners and speeches, there are things you can learn from his character about what it takes to succeed in business and life. So without further ado, here are some of the most memorable Harvey Specter quotes that will motivate you to succeed at whatever you do.

 

What Can We Learn From Harvey Specter?

At the end of the day, television is scripted. That’s why it seems like Harvey always has the perfect rebuttal or response to every situation.

In real life, the stakes are far different — even the most skilled and successful people fail. And in most cases they fail far more than the average person, which is why they are where they are in the first place.

Before talking about some of the best Harvey Specter quotes, here are a few insights that you can take away from his on-screen actions

 

#1: Loyalty Is Everything

Loyalty is important in just about everything you do in life. Whether it’s being a good spouse, being a reliable employee/boss, or being a true friend, loyalty is paramount.

Throughout the show, Specter shows extreme loyalty to people who have shown the same to him. More importantly though, he doesn’t just show blind loyalty to anyone and anything — it has to be a two-way street.

Loyalty demands loyalty. It’s not something that’s given,  it’s something that’s earned. Adopt this same mindset with the people you’re close to and you’ll be able to separate the people who aren’t really there for you from the ones who have your back through anything.

Don’t stick your neck out for people who wouldn’t do the same for you.

 

#2: Winning Isn’t Everything

One thing that’s made clear about Specter throughout the show is that he wins. He’s all about winning, whatever the costs may be.

But often, those costs come back to bite him both personally and professionally. 

It’s okay to want to win — the desire to win and be successful is in all of us.

Just don’t make the same mistake as Specter and make it your north star. There are more important things in life than winning and beating other people.

It’s okay to accept defeat sometimes as long as you truly believe it’s a temporary setback and not a permanent blow that keeps you stuck.

 

#3: Self-Confidence Is A Superpower

Self-confidence is one of the most important parts of living a successful, fulfilling life. If you don’t believe in yourself, you’ll often opt for a life of comfort and safety because you don’t trust yourself to face challenges and take risks.

Throughout the show, Harvey radiates confidence. He always feels like he’s making the right move because he believes in himself and his judgement. 

Does that mean he never makes a mistake? Of course not, he makes quite a few throughout the show — the difference is that those mistakes don’t come from inaction.

It’s inevitable that you’re going to make mistakes in life. And when you do,  confidence is what helps you recover and come back even stronger.

 

Harvey Specter Quotes About Life

Now that we’ve covered some of the lessons you can learn from watching him on screen, let’s start off with some awesome Harvey Specter quotes where lays down the law about how life works.

 

  • “You always have a choice.”

 

  • “Let them hate, just make sure they spell your name right.”

 

  • “First impressions last. If you start behind the eight-ball, you’ll never get out in front.”

 

  • “Ever loved someone so much, you would do anything for them? Yeah, well make that someone yourself and do whatever the hell you want.”

 

  • “Sometimes good guys gotta do bad things to make the bad guys pay.”

 

  • Work until you no longer have to introduce yourself.”

 

harvey specter quotes about hard work

 

  • “Don’t raise your voice, improve your argument.”

 

  • “When people you don’t even know hate you, that’s when you know you’re the best.”

 

  • “Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about.”

 

  • “Never destroy anyone in public when you can accomplish the same goal in private.”

 

  • “Don’t waste your time with explanations. People only hear what they want to hear.”

 

  • “Life has two rules: 1. Never quit. 2. Always remember rule #1.”

 

  • “Whoever is trying to bring you down is already below you.”

 

  • “What are your choices when someone puts a gun to your head? You take the gun, or you pull out a bigger one. Or, you call their bluff. Or, you do any one of a hundred and forty-six other things.”

 

  • “You want to change your life? Change the way you think.”

 

  • “It’s what you do in the dark that puts you in the light.”

 

photo from the tv show suits

 

  • “It’s easy to pretend you’re a good person in a crowd. What you do when you are alone is who you really are.”

 

  • “People talk about you because if they talked about themselves, no one would listen.”

 

  • “The thing about smart people is that they seem crazy to dumb people.”

 

  • “Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it, you can never get it back.”

 

  • “Adversity causes some men to break, others to break records.”

 

  • “I don’t get lucky. I make my own luck.”

 

  • “Focus on making yourself better, not on thinking that you are better.”

 

  • “If you’re the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.” 

 

harvey specter quotes about being smart

 

  • “Stay away from negative people. They have a problem for every solution”

 

  • “Knowledge is knowing what to say, wisdom is knowing when to say it.”

 

  • “The only thing you need is an unshakeable belief in yourself.”

 

  • “Never blame a clown for acting like a clown, blame yourself for visiting the circus.”

 

  • “Don’t base your decisions on the advice of those that don’t have to bear the consequences.”

 

  • “You will live a dull and boring life if you do not take risks.”

 

  • “If you are lucky enough to get a second chance at something, don’t waste it.”

 

  • “You sleep to see your dreams. I stay awake and live mine.”

 

Harvey Specter Quotes About Winning & Succeeding

Harvey Specter’s main goal is to win — at anything, against anybody. He dominates people who challenge him, accumulating wealth and a stellar reputation along the way.

He doesn’t break laws or cheapshot his opponents to do it either. He simply does it by outworking his opponents and being mentally tougher than they are. Here’s a list of the best Harvey Specter quotes about the way successful people go through life.

 

  • “I don’t play the odds, I play the man.”

 

  • “Anyone can do my job, but no one can be me.”

 

  • “I don’t have dreams, I have goals.”

 

  • “It’s going to happen because I’m going to make it happen.”

 

  • “Win a no win situation by rewriting the rules.”

 

  • “That’s the difference between you and me. You wanna lose small, I wanna win big.”

 

  • “The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary.”

 

  • “Winners don’t make excuses when the other side plays the game.”

 

quote from suits about winners and losers

 

  • “97% of people who gave up are employed by the 3% who never gave up.”

 

  • “If you kinda sorta try, then you kinda sorta fail.”

 

  • “You know who cries the hardest in the Miss America pageant? The winner. Because she knows she can’t win again and winners always want to.” 

 

  • “Kill them with success. Bury them with a smile.”

 

  • “When achieving your goal is more important than partying, welcome to the 1%.”

 

  • “You’re never going to win big if you’re only going to minimize your losses.”

 

  • “Life is a game. Play to win.”

 

  • “Have goals so big you get uncomfortable telling small-minded people.”

 

  • “Success is like being pregnant, everyone says congratulations but nobody knows how many times you were fucked.”

 

  • “Destiny is for losers. The rest of us just go out and make it happen.”

 

destiny is for losers quote - harvey specter

 

  • “You can’t get much done in life if you only work on the days when you feel good.”

 

  • “The person you’re becoming will cost you people, relationships, and material things. Choose you over everything.”

 

  • “Keep your mouth shut and work in silence, people will know about it soon.”

 

  • “Rejection tells you whether you were serious about your goals or you were just screwing around.”

 

  • “Most people are happy with average, but I’m not most people.”

 

harvey specter quotes about not being average

 

  • “You don’t have to have it all figured out to move forward.”

 

  • “The bigger the struggle, the bigger the reward.” 

 

  • “Everybody was a nobody before they were a somebody.”

 

  • “Don’t be upset with the results you didn’t get from the work you didn’t do.”

 

  • “The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra.”

 

Harvey Specter Quotes About Loyalty & Respect

Loyalty and respect are two things that Harvey values greatly. You see this numerous times when he’s willing to go to great lengths to protect the people he cares about.

It’s built into his life as a hardened principle — he’s loyal to people who have proven their loyalty to him. 

Respect works the same way. If people don’t show respect to you, then you have no obligation to respect them. 

It doesn’t mean you stoop to their level and take cheapshots, but it does mean that you have the right to view their actions through a certain lens. No one wants a reputation that doesn’t garner respect.

Here’s some of the best Harvey Specter quotes about the importance of loyalty and respect.

 

  • “I don’t take meetings. I set them. And my respect isn’t demanded, it’s earned.”

 

  • “You’d be surprised what people you trust would do when someone puts them in a position where they think they don’t have a choice.”

 

  •  “If they think you care, they’ll walk all over you.”

 

  • “Loyalty is a two-way street. If I’m asking for it from you, then you are getting it from me.”

 

harvey specter quotes about loyalty

 

  • “Your promises are only as good as your priorities.”

 

  • “People only treat you one way. The way that you allow them to.”

 

  • “Forget prince charming. Go for the wolf. He can see you better. Have your back better. Hear you better.”

 

  • “I respect those who keep their heads held high even when they’re on the verge of breaking.”

 

  • “People get really mad when you don’t let them use you.” 

 

  • “If you don’t value your time, neither will others. Stop giving it like it’s free.”

 

  •  “You can do 99 things for someone and all they will remember is the one thing you didn’t do.” 

 

  • “Don’t make the mistake of thinking that something or someone will always be around.”

 

Final Thoughts

I hope you enjoyed this list of the best Harvey Specter quotes from Suits!

Even though television is scripted, there are always lessons to be learned as you watch certain characters. If you’re looking to succeed in business and develop a rock-solid mindset, Harvey is a shining example of what it means to do both.

Aside from the insights you can take away from watching him, I’ll just add this — Suits is a fantastic show that I thoroughly enjoyed all the way through.

If you’re browsing around for a new show to watch and enjoy shows like Madmen and Billions, then it will be right up your alley.

joe rogan quotes - blog post cover image

49 Joe Rogan Quotes To Fuel Your Hunger For Success

Joe Rogan is one of the most well-known people in the world today, largely because of his podcast, The Joe Rogan Experience, which is the biggest podcast in the country.

Aside from his podcast success, Rogan has also been doing stand-up comedy for over 30 years. This is where garnered the reputation of a straight-shooter who was incredibly engaging and energetic on stage.

These traits are just one reason why he became the most successful podcast host of all time. 

Rogan’s level of discipline also plays a huge role in his success. He works out constantly, gets up early, and has to juggle being at the top of the podcast game and also being a full-time stand up comedian. 

It’s clear that he goes through life with a winner’s mindset — doing what has to be done to reach greatness no matter what stands in his way.

In today’s article, we’re going to look at some of the most profound Joe Rogan quotes on various subjects like success, fitness, and just life in general.

 

Joe Rogan Quotes On Success

Joe Rogan certainly fits the description of an ultra-successful individual. The recent payday he received from Spotify was further validation of this — Spotify forked over $100 million for exclusive rights to his podcast.

Rogan understands how to build something from the ground up. His podcast started as a couple dudes on the couch just talking about random stuff before it became a nine-figure meal ticket.

Here are some Joe Rogan quotes that discuss what it means to be successful.

 

  • “I’m obsessed to extreme winners because I think there’s a madness to it.  I truly believe that in order to truly be great at something you have to give into a certain amount of madness.”

 

  • “Greatness and madness are next door neighbors and they often borrow each other’s sugar.”

 

  • “Excellence in anything increases your potential in everything.”

 

joe rogan quotes about excellence

 

  • “One of the most fascinating lessons I’ve absorbed about life is that the struggle is good.”

 

  • “The Universe rewards calculated risk and passion”

 

  • “Once you understand what excellence is all about… you see how excellence manifests itself in any discipline.”

 

  •  “The key to happiness doesn’t lay in numbers in a bank account but in the way we make others feel and the way they make us feel.”

 

  • “We define ourselves far too often by our past failures. That’s not you. You are this person right now. You’re the person who has learned from those failures. Build confidence and momentum with each good decision you make from here on out and choose to be inspired.” 

 

  • “There’s a never-ending ocean of techniques out there.” 

 

  • “Write down things you want to improve. Write down things you won’t tolerate from yourself. Write down things you never want to see yourself do again.” 

 

  • “100% of all haters in the world are unrealized potential.” 

 

joe rogan quotes on haters

 

  • “Get better at whatever you’re doing. So what if you suck at it now. Everybody sucks at everything when they start. But if you love it, and don’t lie to yourself, then get better at it.”

 

Joe Rogan Motivational Quotes

Many times during Rogan’s podcast, he will go off on motivational tangents that can be quite inspiring. He doesn’t claim to be a psychologist or a life coach, but his words still hold weight given all that he’s achieved.

Here’s a quick rundown of some Joe Rogan quotes that are incredibly motivational.

 

  • “There’s only one way to get good at anything; you surround yourself with the bad motherfuckers who are doing exactly what you do and you force yourself to keep up and inspire each other.” 

 

  • “Be the hero of your own story.”

 

  • “If you are the greatest, why would you go around talking about it?”

 

  • “Be the hero in your own movie. Pretend that your life was a movie and it started now, what would the hero do? What would the person that you respect do? What would the person that you admire and inspires you do? Do that.”

 

  • “You can’t measure what’s inside a man’s heart.” 

 

  • “Work for that feeling that you have accomplished something… Don’t waste your time on this earth without making a mark.” 

 

  • “I realized a long time ago that instead of being jealous you can be inspired and appreciative. It carries more energy to you. That can be an awesome and motivating force that can improve your life if you choose to be inspired and not jealous. One has no benefit whatsoever, the other is an incredible resource for creating momentum and improvement.” 

 

  • “Someone else’s success doesn’t equal a failure for you.”

 

joe rogan talking to a crowd

 

  • “The time you spend hating on someone robs you of your own time. You are literally hating yourself and you don’t even realize it.”

 

  •  “I truly believe that in order to truly be great at something you have to give into a certain amount of madness.”

 

  • “It’s very important to help people figure out how to manage life, to help people figure out how to think, help inspire them, help show them what can be gained from setting goals and achieving them and that excellent feeling – and that becomes contagious.”

 

  • “If things aren’t going the way you want them to go, then do something about it. Quit talking about your problems and go out and do something to fix them.” 

 

  • “All the time that you spend complaining, you could instead be hustling. You could be chasing your dream. You could be figuring out what you’re doing wrong and improving your life.”

 

Joe Rogan Quotes About Working Out

Rogan has always been very vocal about the importance of working out. You can tell just  by looking at him that he takes health and fitness very seriously.

Working out is one of the most common habits of successful people. Staying disciplined in the gym often creates a ripple effect that impacts other areas of life. 

Rogan has confirmed this numerous times on his podcast. He often says that he embraces the grind and struggle of the gym because it prepares him to win the day ahead.

Here are some Joe Rogan quotes that highlight the importance of working out.

 

  • “I’ve done jiujitsu a huge chunk of my life, and I try to spend a lot of time educating people on the nuances, the subtleness of the ground game. It’s a big part of mixed martial arts.”

 

  • “By putting yourself in that intense form of stress, it makes regular life more peaceful.”

 

joe rogan at a press conference

 

  • “There’s a confidence and a mental toughness that comes from the very highest level of competition, whatever the sport is. Whether it’s boxing or wrestling, or whatever.” 

 

  • “If you can control what you eat, you can control all other aspects of your life.”

 

  • “The people I know that have the hardest time keeping it together emotionally are people that don’t work out.”

 

  • “Do things that are difficult. It’s very important to struggle. You don’t get to know yourself without struggle. You don’t know who you are until you get tested.”

 

  • “There’s a direct correlation between positive energy and positive results in the physical form.” 

 

joe rogan quotes on working out

 

  • “Conquer your inner bitch.” 

 

  • “As a long time practitioner of yoga and as a person who’s been involved in physical fitness my whole life, I can tell you, yoga helps you achieve altered states of consciousness. It is not just stretching.”

 

  • “You don’t even have to have equipment. With bodyweight squats, sit-ups, chin-ups, pushups, you could give yourself a brutal bodyweight workout.”

 

  • “I don’t believe in half-assing things. Life is short.”

 

  • “You get so much more out of a struggle that you choose to embark in versus a struggle that life throws upon you.”

 

Joe Rogan Quotes About Life

To conclude this list, here are Joe Rogan quotes about life in general that are surprisingly thought-provoking. 

 

  • “Life is strange.  You keep moving and keep moving.  Before you know it, you look back and think, ‘What was that?’”

 

  • “Haters are all failures. It’s 100% across the board. No one who is truly brilliant at anything is a hater.”

 

  • “Having the privilege of sitting down and having 3 hour long uninterrupted conversations with hundreds of brilliant people is an awesome perspective enhancer.”

 

  • “The quicker we all realise that we’ve been taught how to live life by the people that were operating on the momentum of an ignorant past the quicker we can move to a global ethic of community that doesn’t value invented borders or the monopolisation of natural resources, but rather the goal of a happier more loving humanity.” 

 

  • “To really appreciate life you got to know you’re going to die.”

 

joe rogan speaking about life

 

  • “If you attach your mind to any ideology, you’re going to be on a road, and that road may or may not lead you in a good direction. But you’re gonna stay on that road because you are attached to an ideology. It could be a terrible road, but you stick with it regardless of rational thinking.”

 

  • “Selling your life to sit in a box and work for a machine. An uncaring machine that demands productivity that doesn’t understand you and doesn’t want to understand you… There’s no natural behaviour. Everyone is wearing clothes they don’t want to wear. Everybody is showing up and doing something they don’t want to do. They have no connection to it. That’s the problem with our society.”

 

  • “Kindness is one of the best gifts you can bestow…We know that inherently that feels great.”

 

  • “In all my travelings, all my life adventures; I have to say I still don’t know what life is, absolutely no clue, and it is a subject that is constantly on my mind. One thing I do know for a fact is that the nicer we are to our fellow human beings, the nicer the universe is to us.”

 

  • “People want their 15 minutes and are willing to do anything to get it.” 

 

  • “When someone comes along and expresses him or herself as freely as they think, people flock to it. They enjoy it.”

 

  • “Here’s the craziest thing about life, this is the thing that nobody really considers; you know as much about what life is all about as anybody who’s ever lived, ever. That’s the craziest thing about us. We’re all just kinda wandering through this going “‘You know what you’re doing?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Oh, I do too. I know what I’m doing.’ ‘Okay. Good, then.’” But really no one has a clue.”

 

Final Thoughts

Whatever you think of Joe Rogan, he’s certainly living life to the fullest. He came from humble beginnings and is now rich beyond his wildest dreams. 

Not to mention the fact that he’s got a pretty-kick ass job. Imagine if your job description read: Have three-hour conversations with the most important people in the world. 

That’s pretty cool stuff. Rogan’s been able to build this kind of life because of his mindset and level of self-discipline.

It’s no accident that he finds himself in the position that he’s in today. I hope you found these inspirational quotes valuable and insightful!

Looking for more inspirational quotes? Check out a few of these articles for an extra dose of motivation:

blog post featured image - how to organize your life

How To Organize Your Life: The Ultimate Guide

If you’re looking for a simple but extensive guide for how to organize your life, then you’re in the right place. 

The outcomes you’re currently getting in life are a direct result of your system — and your system is a product of your daily habits.

It’s not what you do once in a while that matters, it’s what you do every day. 

The problem is that life can get messy. We all have days where it feels like we’re aimlessly wandering around without any clear direction —  constantly going from task to task without really feeling like we’re making progress.

A systematized plan for getting the most out of your day is the antidote to this feeling. We all need to find a way to prioritize the important stuff while keeping the rest of our lives in check.

That’s exactly what you’re going to learn today. By the end of this article, you’ll have a simple and effective system for how to organize your life and advance rapidly towards your most ambitious goals.

 

How Do You Mentally Organize Your Life?

The average person has 70,000 thoughts every single day. Think about that for a second — 70,000 suggestions about what to do, who you are, and what to believe.

How is it possible to focus on what we need to do when our mind is doing everything possible to sabotage our productivity?

Well, it really comes down to one thing — effectively prioritizing your life.

Most of us fall into the trap of thinking that we don’t have enough time to do what we want to do. Here’s the truth — most of us feel this way because we want to have our cake and eat it too.

  • We want an incredible social life filled with rich experiences
  • We want to have fulfilling careers that pay well
  • We want to manage our finances like an accountant
  • We want to engage in hobbies that fill us with joy

The good news is that you can achieve all of these goals if you think in terms of years, instead of months.

The bad news? Well, it takes years — and we hate waiting for things to happen.

Learning how to organize your life first means getting your mindset right about how long it’s going to make your reality align with your ambition.

Organizing your life isn’t a 30 day challenge  that leads to rapid improvement. It’s a slow process that you need to take one step at a time.

 

how to organize your life mentally - the buddha

 

The Simple Framework For How To Organize Your Life

Any good system is guided by specific principles. The finer details of a system are always a derivative of overarching guidelines.

Let’s lay out those guidelines and the simple four-step process for organizing your life: 

  • Step #1: Define Everything That You Want: In this step, you’ll focus on getting everything out of your head and onto a sheet of paper. All of your goals, dreams, and desires will pour out as you think about everything that you want out of life
  • Step #2: Prioritize: Next, we’ll focus on narrowing this list down and prioritizing only the most important goals that you have
  • Step #3: The One Thing: Next comes applying the one-thing philosophy to figure out the crown-jewel on your list of goals.
  • Step #4:  Crafting A Daily Routine: To conclude this process, you’ll ask yourself The Focusing Question and craft a daily routine centered around high-impact tasks.

Feel free to follow along with a sheet of paper or open up a note in Google Doc.  You’ll want to complete this process as you read for best results. 

Using this 4-step framework will remove any doubt about the path forward towards your goals. It will help you define exactly where to focus your time and attention for maximum results without feeling overwhelmed.

Let’s get into the details of this framework for how to organize your life.

 

How To Organize Your Life Goals (Steps 1 & 2)

The first two steps in this process for organizing your life involve defining and prioritizing your goals.

When most of us say that we want to organize our lives, what we’re really saying is we want a clearly defined system for achieving our goals. 

We want the pursuit of our goals to feel less overwhelming. In order for that to happen, we first need to identify where to focus our attention. In other words, we have to get rid of a lot of our goals.

 

Step #1: Define Everything That You Really Want

The first part of this process is super simple, all you need to do is listen to your mind.

First things first:

  • Get out a sheet of paper or open a Google doc. 
  • Sit down in a quiet place free from distraction
  • If you need to, put on some background music that helps you focus

Now, take the next 10-15 minutes to write down everything that you want to achieve over the next 12 months.

There are no guidelines here on what to include and what not to include — simply write down everything that comes to mind.

 

picture of a goal journal

 

Goals Don’t Have To Be Specific

One of the most common phrases that you hear in the self-development world is,” Goals need to be specific! They must have a deadline!” Blah, blah, blah.

Not true. Let’s just look at the dictionary definition of a goal according to Oxford Languages:

  • Definition – the object of a person’s ambition or effort: an aim or desired results

Do you see anything there about goals having a deadline? Or needing to have a specific target.

Nope, that’s because they don’t. As long as you’re aiming at something, specific or not, it’s still considered a goal.

Not only that, some goals don’t even make sense when combined with a specific target. For example, let’s say that you wanted to become more confident.

How do you actually measure confidence?

You can’t — it’s something that you either have or you don’t. It’s based upon a general feeling that you have about the kind of person that you are.

You can’t quantify it with numbers or performance targets. Now, you can create daily targets for certain actions that will help you increase your confidence, but overall the feeling of confidence can’t be measured.

Same thing with goals like “I want to improve my personal relationships.” How in the world are you supposed to measure that with numbers?

The point is don’t get bogged down in making your goals super specific. Just focus on getting your thoughts out on paper — whether they’re broad intentions or defined targets.

By the end of this process, you should have around 15-20 goals. Don’t get crazy and spend hours writing down 74 goals, the following steps will become much harder if you do.

 

Step #2: Prioritize

Next, you need to take that list of goals and then remove anything that isn’t highly important to you. You need to make the distinction between nice-to-have goals & need-to-have goals.

Now you might be saying: “But wait! All of these goals are important to me.” If you really believe that, then it’s no surprise that you feel overwhelmed and disorganized.

Successful people are masters of prioritization. To illustrate this, here’s a story (which may not be 100% true) about Warren Buffet and his pilot.

 

Warren Buffet’s 25/5 Rule

Mike Flint was Warren Buffet’s personal pilot for 10 years. According to Flint, one day he was trying to figure out his career priorities and he decided to ask Buffet for help.

Buffett started by asking Flint to write down his top 25 goals. Immediately, after Buffett told Flint to circle the top 5 goals from this list that he felt were the most important to him.

Flint confirmed that he was going to start working on his top 5 goals right away. When asked about the other 20 on the list, he said:

Well, the top 5 are my primary focus, but the other 20 come in a close second. They are still important so I’ll work on those intermittently as I see fit. They are not as urgent, but I still plan to give them a dedicated effort.”

Buffet immediately corrected him:

“No. You’ve got it wrong, Mike. Everything you didn’t circle just became your Avoid-At-All-Cost list. No matter what, these things get no attention from you until you’ve succeeded with your top 5.”

 

warren buffett picture

 

The Importance of Prioritizing Your Life

The main lesson from this story is that you just can’t do everything you want to do all at once.

That’s why in this step, most of the goals you just wrote down will be removed. Deep down, you know that there’s only a few goals on this list that really matter.

They’re the ones that you’re always thinking about. They run like an endless loop in your mind — constantly demanding your time and energy.

It’s these goals that you want to organize your life around. To find these goals, you’re going to go through two rounds of elimination. Here’s how to complete the first round:

  • Take your list of goals and label them as “nice to have” or “need to have”
  • Immediately cross of every goal that you labeled as nice to have
  • Your goal is to narrow down the list to five goals
  • If the labeling the goals doesn’t achieve that, then just keep narrowing the list down until you get to 5

In the second round of this process, you’re trying to get down to a singular goal. The following steps will outline how to find the crown-jewel in your list of goals

  • Analyze each of the five goals on your list
  • Rank them on a scale from 1-10 using the following question
  • What level of impact would achieving this goal contribute to my overall success, happiness, and fulfillment?
  • Use decimal points if you want to be even more precise
  • Once you’ve scored each, the goal with the highest score is the winner
  • If you score each goal and still don’t have a clear winner, just trust your inner wisdom and make a judgement call 

 

How Do You Organize Your Daily Routine? (Steps 3 & 4)

Now that you have one goal that you are going to organize your life around, the next step is to set up a daily routine to facilitate achieving this goal.

The Facebook Story

When Facebook IPO’d in 2005, everyone agreed on one thing — it was a fun app, but would struggle to make money.

Aside from the few early investors, most people didn’t believe that Facebook was going to become a profit-machine churning out billions of dollars per year.

One day, Noah Kagan, employee #30 at Facebook, came to Mark Zuckerberg with an idea. He wanted to prove his worth and remove doubt that Facebook could become a behemoth in the techspace.

Here’s how Kagan recalls the story:

“Mark listened to the pitch and then wrote out one word on a whiteboard: “GROWTH.” Then he “proclaimed he would not entertain ANY idea unless it helped Facebook grow by total number of ‘users.”

Zuckerberg was interested in one thing — growing Facebook’s user base. Every subsequent move he made revolved around that ambition, and it’s safe to say that things worked out pretty well.

That “fun” company that wasn’t going to make money now has a market capitalization of $1 trillion. 

 

how to organize your life around facebook

 

The One Thing Philosophy

To Zuckerberg and other highly successful people, the secret to productivity is adopting a singular focus. You don’t get to have four or five priorities, you get to have one. 

When everything seems important and urgent, it means that you believe everything you need to do holds equal weight. You’ll become busy and start rapidly crossing things off of your to-do list, but it’ll never feel like you’re actually making progress.

That’s because you haven’t yet learned how to organize your life around the important stuff. You haven’t realized that the majority of what you want will come from the minority of what you do.

As you look at your goal, there’s probably a million ideas running through your head about how to achieve it. But if your to-do list contains everything, it will lead you everywhere but where you really want to go. 

That’s why you’re going to build your day around one daily action. Your to-do list will be pretty simple from now on — it’ll be this one task and then everything else. 

How are you going to find that one action? That’s what we’ll cover next.

 

Step #3: Applying The One Thing Philosophy

In order to calm your mind and narrow your focus, we’ll be taking a page out of Gary Keller’s playbook. Gary Keller is best-selling author of, The One Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results.

It’s an outstanding book, and we’re going to be focusing on a specific part of this book to nail down your own One Thing,

Answers come from questions, and the quality of an answer is directly related to the quality of a question. One of the most powerful parts of this book comes when Keller talks about The Focusing Question.

The Focusing Question collapses all possible questions you have about how to organize your life into one:

  • The Focusing Question – “What’s the ONE Thing I can do such that by doing it everything else will be easier or unnecessary?”

The Focusing Question cuts right through the bullshit. It forces you to cut out the non-essential stuff that stops you from achieving your goals.

It’s what allowed Gary Keller to accumulate a net worth of $200 million by building one of the most successful real estate companies in the world — and it’s what will help you set up a life where your most sacred goal becomes reality.

 

Finding Your One Thing

Time to grab your pen/ pencil, or open up that Google doc and find your one thing. Take look at your goal from step 2 and ask yourself the focusing question:

  • “In regards to my goals of X, what’s the ONE Thing I can do such that by doing it everything else will be easier or unnecessary?”
  • Start brainstorming a list of possible high-impact daily actions.
  • Remember to only write down important stuff. You shouldn’t have a giant list (maybe 5-7 daily actions)
  • Once you’ve got a few ideas, narrow down the task that represents the largest amount of forward progress towards your goals
  • Reminder – Trust your inner wisdom here because it likely already knows the answer

By the end of this process, you’ll have the one thing that the rest of your life will be organized around.

 

man looking down a path

 

 

Step #4: Crafting Your Daily Routine

Alright, you’ve gotten the hard part out of the way. Now, it’s just a matter of fitting your one thing into your everyday routine.

Let’s work on creating a plan of action to ensure that you can realistically execute on a daily basis.

The Problem With Being Too Ambitious

If you read Keller’s book, he says that you should block out four hours for your One Thing. 

Well, there’s a big problem with this advice — if you follow it, you’re going to flame out almost immediately.

It goes against everything that I preach on this blog, which is to start small instead of aiming at outrageous targets.

Aiming too high is the single-biggest reason why most people never achieve their goals. Does this sound like a familiar story?

  • You get motivated to get back in shape
  • You tell yourself you’re going to start walking for 45 minutes every day
  • The first few days start off great — motivation is high, resistance is low.
  • One week in, it starts to feel like a grind. One day you wake up and don’t really feel like walking, so you skip a day.
  • One missed day leads to more missed days, and your motivation begins to crumble.
  • Three weeks later, you’re in the exact same position as before, and no closer to your goals.

When it comes to forming new habits, we tend to shoot ourselves in the foot with unrealistic expectations about what we’re capable of. We get excited, set these ambitious targets, but almost always fail to live up to them.

And the worst part is that we think there’s something wrong with us! We say things like, “If I just had more willpower I’d be able to make it work,” or “Why can’t I just discipline myself to get things done.”

Ambition is the biggest roadblock to consistency. If you want to make these two daily behaviors into automatic habits, you’ve gotta aim lower.

 

Organizing Your Life Around Your One Thing

We need to figure out two things:

  • Point #1 – When will your two new habits take place?
  • Point #2 – How much time per day are you going to dedicate to each habit?

Let’s address point #1 first. 

Keller advises that the morning is the best time to make progress on your One Thing, which is practical advice that you should follow. We tend to have far more control over our mornings than the rest of our day.

It’s also just a great way to start the day. If you begin the day by making progress towards your most important goal, the day will feel like a win no matter what happens.

Here are a few guidelines for figuring out where to place your one thing:

  • When In Doubt, Opt For The Mornings – If you don’t have any early morning commitments, then it’s the best time to work on your goals. If you need to, try waking up a little earlier to ensure you have adequate free time in the morning.

 

  • Consider The Habit: If you lack confidence, and the “One Thing” you landed on was going out and talking to people every day, obviously it doesn’t make sense to do this at 7 A.M. On the other hand, something like focused writing is perfect for the morning. Use your best judgement when nailing down a specific time for your one thing.

 

  • Don’t Worry About Specifics Yet: Don’t feel like you need to nail down an exact timeframe yet, that’s what we’ll focus on in the next step. Just pick a time of day when your habit will take place (Ex: lunch break, evening, morning, etc.)

Now that you’ve established the time of day, let’s get specific and figure out how much time you’ll block off for your one thing.

My recommendation is to start off with one hour per day. Remember this is just a starting point that’s subject to change — guidelines for adjusting this target will be covered in a little bit.

Now that the length of time is established, it’s time to schedule work on your one thing during specific hours of the day.

Once again, just use your best judgment here. You know your schedule better than anyone else ever could, so just pick a time and stick to it. Consider potential roadblocks and pick the ideal time for performing uninterrupted work based on your present obligations.

 

adults playing in the grass

 

What Happens If I Can’t Meet The Targets?

Is one hour per day really realistic? Well, it may be for some of you and may not be for others. We all have some current level of self-discipline that determines how persistent we are with starting a new behavior.

As mentioned earlier, it’s easy for willpower and motivation to crumble when missed days start piling up, and that’s the last thing we want. Here’s what you’re gonna do if you’re struggling to meet the one hour per day target at first.

  • Apply The Two Day Rule – Missing once is fine, missing twice is the start of a new habit. If you miss two days in a row, that’s a sign you need to scale back.
  • Scale Back #1 – The first time you miss twice, change your daily target from 60 minutes per day to 30 minutes per day.
  • Scale Back #2 – If you miss the 30 minute target twice in a row, then scale back to 15 minutes.
  • Scale Back #3 – If you miss the 15 minute target twice in a row, scale back to 5 minutes per day, per habit.

There’s nothing wrong with needing to scale back. You should expect to backtrack a little once you start with your one thing. Even if you end up at the five minute mark, the key is just to get comfortable showing up every day.

The bottom line is this — every single day should involve your one thing. Whether it’s three minutes or three hours, simply showing up and instilling the habit will create a tremendous ripple effect.

  • Getting comfortable with 5 minutes → getting comfortable with 15 minutes
  • Getting comfortable with 15 minutes → getting comfortable with 30 minutes
  • Getting comfortable with 30 minutes → getting comfortable with 60 minutes
  • Getting comfortable with 60 minutes → getting comfortable with 3 hour

Think about how much progress you could make towards your goals if you were able to work your way up to 3 hours of daily focus on your most important task?

One goal, one habit. It’s this kind of narrow focus that will allow you more freedom and help you become more organized than ever before.

When you stay on top of the main thing that drives extraordinary results, you’ll be surprised at how easy it becomes to organize the rest of your life. 

 

5 Tips For Organizing Your Home

We just walked through an extensive guide for how to organize your life. Now, we’re going to cover some additional tips that you can leverage to declutter your home life and even your digital life.

This section will focus specifically tips for how to organize your home.

 

#1: Get Rid Of Useless Stuff

Can your house use a little spring cleaning? Well, in the spirit of reducing clutter and organizing your life, start purging household items that only seem to be good for taking up space.

Simply go through your house and choose to donate, give away, or throw out anything that you feel isn’t a necessary part of your life. 

You’ll find out very quickly how much stuff you’re keeping in your home that doesn’t really need to be there.

 

#2: Create A Minimalist Closet

Most of us live a life that is characterized by excess, and that’s especially true when it comes to our closets. One of the best ways you can remove unnecessary clutter in your life is to trim down your wardrobe.

It may feel a little uncomfortable, but the rewards are well worth it. You’ll find that with a minimalist wardrobe, you’re only left with clothes that you actually love.

Each piece of clothing will serve a purpose besides just resting on hangers.

 

organized closet photo

 

#3: Tidy Up Workspace Before Bed Each Night

Keeping an organized desk isn’t just about the aesthetic, it’s important for productivity as well. Studies have shown that although people with messy desks tend to be more innovative, people with organized desks are less stressed and more focused.

When trying to engage in deep work, our external environment needs to promote total concentration. Maintaining a workspace that’s clean and free from distraction makes it easier to achieve this feeling. 

 

#4: Maximize Vertical Space

If you don’t have a lot of room to work with in your home, a sure-fire way to create more space is to go upwards when stacking items or building shelves.

This will help maximize the space that you do have for storage. For obvious reasons, just make sure to store the things you need less frequently on the higher shelves.

 

#5: Optimize For Accessibility

Here’s a golden rule of organizing your home — make sure that the things you need most are always easy to find.

Think of the common items you use every day — do you spend any additional time looking for them on a daily basis? If you do, that’s a good indicator that you should move them a more accessible location.

The items you barely use can be placed in very obscure places with no consequence.

 

How to Organize Your Digital Life (5 Tips)

Next, we’re going to discuss some simple tactics for decluttering your email inbox and smartphone.

It’s easy for us to lose focus on top priorities when we get sucked in by time-wasting apps or the endless piles of emails in our inbox. Here are some helpful tips for using technology to keep your life organized.

 

#1: Take An App Inventory

How many useless apps do you have on your home screen? If you’re like most people, there’s a lot of apps that just have no use being on your phone.

Let them go! Just go down the list one by one and delete any app that you don’t get any value out of.

 

organizing your digital life using an app inventory

 

#2: Create Folders For Your Apps

Once you’ve done that, create some individual folders for the remaining apps on your phone. It’s much less overwhelming to look at a home screen where every app is dedicated to a specific folder.

You’re free to set up the categories however you like. Here are the separate folders that I have my apps separated into:

  • Work
  • Sports
  • Social Media
  • Dating
  • Finances
  • Music
  • Services (Uber, Doordash, etc.)

 

#3: Use The Reminders App For Small Stuff

The reminders app on your smartphone can be an absolute life-saver when it comes to remembering the non-urgent stuff.

As someone who can get scatterbrained, remembering to do things isn’t in my DNA. If there’s something that needs to get done in two days, or five days, or two weeks, there’s a 100% chance I’ll forget about it when the time comes.

Instead of relying on my own brain, it’s better to just remove the possibility of error altogether — the task and deadline go straight into my reminders app.

By the time it’s slipped from my short-term memory, a simple notification on my phone ensures that whatever it is gets done.

 

#4: Unsubscribe From Useless Email Lists

We’ve all subscribed to email lists that we don’t have any use for, which is not an issue.  The issue is keeping yourself subscribed to these lists and letting emails pile up in your inbox.

These useless emails get mixed in with important stuff which can interrupt your workflow. 

  • Monthly Ritual – Every month, go through any email you’ve gotten in the past 7 days from an email list. If the list is adding value to your life, keep it. If not, hit the unsubscribe button.

Another suggestion is to dedicate one email address to email lists only. This allows you the freedom to subscribe to as many lists as you want with no risk of overshadowing the higher-priority emails that you get.

 

how to organize your life on the computer

 

#5: Keep Your Computer Files Organized

It’s eye-opening how many people use their computer as one great big library — no organization or folders, just a bunch of random files in random places.

The problem is that it’s a pain in the ass when you really need that one document from a few months ago but have no idea where to look. Creating a folder system for your laptop will make sure you never have this problem again:

  • Start creating your folder system by drawing it out on paper
  • Separate your life into a certain amount of categories (personal to you)
  • Add each of the main folders to your home screen
  • For each category, write down specific subcategories that certain documents would fall into
  • For example, the “finances”  might have sub-categories like — Tax Documents, Budgeting, Loan Documents, Miscellaneous, etc.
  • Click on each folder in your home screen and add these subcategories to them

This process provides a foundation for organizing your life digitally. Now the only thing required is continued maintenance to make sure each document goes to the right place.

 

Final Thoughts On How To Organize Your Life

Well, there you have it! This article just walked you through a step-by-step framework for how to organize your life, along with some additional tips for reducing clutter.

Simplicity is usually the best answer to many of life’s questions. You don’t need an elaborate color-coded calendar to organize your life, you just need to find out what matters most and spend time on it every day. 

When you remove tasks that are important and very important, the only ones that remain are the most important. And when your entire calendar revolves around the most important tasks that move you towards your goals, the rest of your life tends to fall into place.

blog post featured image - what to do when your bored at night

17 Positive Things To Do When You’re Bored At Night

It reaches nighttime, and you face a dilemma. 

  • Option #1 – Do you veg out and scroll through social media or binge-watch Netflix? 
  • Option #2 – Do you try to do something productive? Do you attempt to do something that moves the needle forward in your life?

Most of us end up choosing Option 1. After all, we’ve been engulfed in cognitively demanding tasks and personal obligations all day long.

Don’t we deserve a break? Don’t we deserve to curl up on the couch with a bowl of ice cream and just relax?

Yes, we do deserve a break – but breaks don’t have to be an excuse to waste time. Every hour of every day allows you the opportunity to move your life forward in some way.

You do not have to be productive 24/7. Small things like journaling, getting in touch with friends, and reading books all provide the same relief as our favorite Netflix show. 

In this article, we’re going to talk about what to do when you’re bored at night by outlining simple actions that are better uses of time than your typical evening routine.

 

What Can You Do When You’re Bored At Night In Bed?

Want some inspiration for what to do when you’re bored at night while you’re laying in your bed? Here’s a few ideas for positive actions you can take without even taking the covers off.

 

#1: Read A Self-Improvement Book

One of the easiest ways to upgrade yourself is to read self-improvement books. 

In each domain of life, there are true experts who have spent decades studying that specific domain. They’ve put thousands of hours into becoming a true expert in their field – why not take advantage of their knowledge?

When I began my journey through the world of self-improvement, I was particularly interested in topics like habits and behavior change.

I didn’t lack passion or curiosity for these topics, I lacked knowledge. However, after reading dozens of books from well-respected authors like BJ Fogg, James Clear, Stephen Guise, and many others, my understanding of both of these topics improved significantly.

My life began to improve simply by applying their wisdom into my own life. Furthermore, being exposed to their ideas inspired me to start this blog and pass on my knowledge to others.

Whether you’re struggling with productivity, behavior change mindset, personal finance, relationships, etc. —  the information you need is out there if you’re willing to go find it.

Related Article – 19 Best Self Improvement Books That You Need To Read

 

woman reading a book

 

#2: Start Journaling 

Another suggestion for what to do when you’re bored at night is to get out a pen and paper and start journaling.

The great part about journaling is how flexible it is. You can journal to reduce anxiety, get clear on your goals, analyze your current life trajectory, practice gratitude, and so much more.

Getting your thoughts down on paper introduces yourself to the real you. The unfiltered insights that pour out when you’re journaling offer the most accurate characterization of who you are.

Journaling is also a great way to regularly check-in with yourself and jot down solutions for making tomorrow better than today.

Related Article5 Ideas For Starting A Self Improvement Journal

 

#3: Stretch Your Back

You don’t need a yoga mat to work on your flexibility. The bed you sleep in every night will work just fine.

Most of us work jobs where we have to sit for extended periods of time. As a result, it’s easy for our backs to tighten up and compress throughout the day.  Compounded over time, the alignment of your spine can become compromised. 

You won’t feel the effects tomorrow or a year from now. But if you don’t intervene, you may experience some pretty nasty pain 5 to 10 years down the line — pain that takes a lot of work to correct.

So before you call it a night, take a few minutes to perform some lower back stretches.

 

stretching your back - what to do when your bored at night

 

#4: Meditate

One of the best things to do when bored at night is to engage in mindfulness practices like meditation.

You don’t need to be sitting in a chair to practice letting go of your thoughts and staying present. Put your hands on your chest and just focus on breathing in and out for a few minutes.

Each time a thought enters your mind, simply accept it and then get back to your breathing. Carving out a few minutes each day to focus on meditation will reduce stress, improve your focus, and give you greater control over your own mind.

 

#5: Perform The Three Good Things Exercise

Practicing gratitude is one of the key characteristics of happy people. Happy people have a tendency to view life events through a more positive lens and show more appreciation for what they’ve been given.

Gratitude rewires your brain to develop these commendable traits. The great part about gratitude is that it’s incredibly easy to put into practice.

The easiest way to practice gratitude while laying in your bed is to perform the Three Good Things Exercise.

All you do is  try to focus your mind on three things that you’re currently grateful for. The more you consciously think about the good in your life, the easier it will be to develop a positive worldview.

 

Productive Things To Do When Bored At Night

During the daytime hours, productivity is our main objective. The aim is to be laser-focused on getting our most important work done in a timely fashion so we can excel in our careers.

These cognitively demanding tasks drain our mental energy and willpower. That’s why most of us struggle to engage in focused work at the end of the day.

Quality of work suffers. Our thoughts aren’t as clear. Ideas don’t just come as fluidly as they do during our peak productivity hours.

While you may find it difficult to get high-priority work done at night, there are simpler, less demanding ways to be productive. Here’s some inspiration for what to do when you’re bored at night when you still want to get something productive done.

 

#1: Make A To-Do List For The Next Day

When you wake up, do you have clear objectives for the day? Do you know exactly where to focus your time and energy for maximum results?

If not, you’re losing the battle of productivity before it even starts. The nighttime hours are a great time to get a head start and craft a plan for tomorrow.

Having a to-do list set up the correct way gives you a better chance at being efficient with your time from the moment you roll out of bed.

All of this assumes that it’s set up the right way. I’ll attach an article below that outlines my favorite method for setting up an effective to-do list.

Related Article – The Ivy Lee Method: Double Your Productivity Overnight With This 100 Year Old Tip

 

making a to do list - things to do when bored at night

 

#2: Clean Up Your Workspace 

Another key element of productivity is keeping your workspace well-organized and free from clutter.

You are a direct product of your environment. If your workspace is messy and disorganized, it’s likely that your workflow will follow the same trajectory.

On the other hand, a clean and organized workspace promotes greater productivity since there’s less clutter to contend with.

So take a few minutes to prepare your workspace for the next day — it’ll be one less thing that you have to do before you start working in the morning. 

 

#3: Listen To A Podcast

Podcasts are helpful tools for exposing yourself to new ideas and receiving valuable insight from successful people. Even putting self-improvement aside, some podcasts are just downright fun to listen to.

Most of my podcast library is focused around personal development. But sometimes, I’ll throw on an episode of the Joe Rogan Experience and learn more about politics, health and fitness, finance, etc.

Search around and find a few topics that intrigue you. Delve deeper and find the top podcasts that cover this topic in detail.

The next time you’re wondering what to do when you’re bored at night, throw it on and see if you learn anything new!

 

#4: Work On A Hobby

Is there something that you want to learn to do, but can’t seem to find the time during the day to work on it? Well, the nighttime hours offer a perfect opportunity to carve out 10-20 for a new hobby.

Whether it’s painting, drawing, playing the piano, or learning a language – hobbies offer a productive way to disconnect from the daily grind.

And who knows — maybe you come to enjoy it so much that it becomes a potential career path.

Sound a little far-fetched? Well, a couple of years ago one of my hobbies was learning about self-improvement, and now this blog exists. 

You have no idea where your hobbies can take you when you really start to develop a passion for them.

 

painting hobby

 

#5: Clean Up The House

If you’re wondering what to do when you’re bored at night, cleaning an area of your home is yet another way to get something productive done.

The great part about cleaning is that it’s a mindless activity — it doesn’t take much mental energy to sweep floors and wipe down counters.

Furthermore, cleaning one area of your house for 10-15 minutes might motivate you to start oin another, and then another. The positive emotions you feel from tidying typically leads to more action.

There’s been several times where something simple like taking out the trash and doing the dishes has led to me cleaning every inch of the kitchen.

Once forward progress has been made on anything, it feels more difficult to stop working than to continue.

 

#6: Learn A New Skill Online

Online platforms like Skillshare and Udemy offer an easy learning experience for anyone who wants to increase their knowledge about a certain subject.

The whole goal of these sites is to make learning new things easy. They offer short, digestible courses — some taught by authoritative experts and others taught by talented everyday people just like you.

 Want to learn more about photography? Want to improve your time-management? Curious about graphic design or coding? There’s a course on these platforms that will satisfy your desire to learn.

 

What To Do When You’re Bored At Night To Improve Friendships

Maintaining a deep personal relationships is an important part of living a happy life. During the day, we can get so bogged down in our to-do lists that our relationships get pushed to the side.

The evening hours are a great time to course-correct. Showing your friends that you care, even in small ways, will reciprocate back into your life and create a deeper bond.

Here’s a few ideas for things to do at night for improved social connection.

 

#1: Text Someone From Your Contacts

One of the best things to do when bored at night is to simply reach out to the people closest to you.

As we go about our day to day lives, it can be difficult to give our personal relationships the time and energy they deserve. We all have personal obligations and work projects that get in the way, but nighttime is a different story.

Most of us don’t have much going on, especially during the week. Use this to your advantage and start developing deeper connections within your immediate social circle.

A simple check-in text is all that’s needed to let people know that you value their friendship. 

 

man texting some of his friends

 

#2: Facetime One Of Your Friends

If you want to take things a step further, peek through your contacts and facetime someone!

Facetiming is a little bit more personal than texting because you actually get to have a conversation. It’s yet another signal that you care enough to take the time out of your day to connect.

 

#3: Get Together For Some Food

Feeling hungry? Use this as an opportunity to see if any of your friends are up for a trip to get some food.

Skip Doordash or Ubereats for one night and make the effort to connect with your friends over ice-cream or any of your other late-night vices.

 

#4: Play A Card Game Or Board Game

At night, we all tend to wind down and prepare for the next day. However, that doesn’t mean we completely lose the desire to be social.

You’ll be surprised at how willing your friends are to skip binge-watching their favorite Netflix show and get out of the house if you make the effort to reach out.

Board games and card games offer a great opportunity for technology free-fun. 

Remember that card game you bought a year ago that’s been used maybe once or twice? Get a little spontaneous and break it out for a late-night gathering with your friends.

 

what to do when your bored at night - playing card games

 

#5: Plan A Trip

Do you have and your friends have that one trip that you’ve been talking about forever? Are there concrete plans in place or is it just something that’s nice to look forward to?

For most people, it’s the latter. So get in touch with your friends and see if they’re down to hop on a Zoom call to actually start setting things in motion.

Chances are that they want to take the trip as much as you, and will jump at the opportunity to start turning it into a reality.

 

#6: Do Some Reflection About Your Social Circle

This isn’t necessarily something you do with your friends, but it’s just as valuable. It’s important to spend time with your friends, but it’s just as important to reflect on who you spend time with.

  • Are they adding value to your life or dragging you down?
  • Are there certain people you need to see less?
  • Are there certain people you need to see more?

Humans have a deep-rooted desire to fit in. Our general view of the world is at least partly shaped by the company we keep on a weekly basis.

When going through this exercise, you may come to realize that certain people are anchors dragging you down. You may realize that there are some really positive people that you should strengthen your bond with.

All you’ve gotta do is start asking the right questions, and the answers will come to you pretty quickly.

 

Final Thoughts On What To Do When You’re Bored At Night

I hope you enjoyed this article offering suggestions for what to do when you’re bored at night.

Just because the night time is typically thought of as a time to relax, doesn’t mean that it’s an excuse to let hours float by without doing anything productive.

By focusing on simpler, less-demanding tasks, you can ensure that you get the most out of your day instead of escaping into Netflix on a nightly basis.

Pick some of these activities that resonate with you and try them out! I have a feeling you’ll sleep better at night knowing that you’re getting the most out of every hour.

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